Photo First Impressions

I do not know what the US Government and the State of Virginia are up to, but they are both killing my photo first impression! 

I remember a time when I could look my best in a passport photo.  The photo I took in 2000 in preparation for my first international trip (Costa Rica) I had on my new wig (a black bob cut named "Bonnie"), green-brown contact lenses, purple lipstick and a huge smile!  This photo was gorgeous! 


Fast forward ten years later and I am forced to renew my passport as it has expired and now we are not able to crack a smile - show a single tooth - appear to be happy that we are traveling abroad.  How did this photo come out you ask?  I look like a Black-Asian mime.  No, really.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself:

Can we discuss the discoloration between my face and chest area?!  I mean really passport office, really?!  Ever since I have had this horrendous photo on my person crossing borders has been embarrassing.  I am so ashamed to show my photo and have even been asked for another form of ID to confirm my identity.  I would like to think it is because the usually male officer is thinking "This CANNOT be the attractive young lady that stands before me.  This is a photo of a Afro-Vietnamese woman who clearly pretends she is in a box on the streets of Miami during the tourist season -- NOT this young lady."  I say he may be thinking this because the reaction to the photo is always the same:  look at the photo, look at me, look at the photo again, confused eyebrow and twitches lips, look at me again and ask for a second form of identification.  Not to mention that the lack of a smile makes us United States citizens look like criminals.  OK OK they say it is for security reasons and for facial recognition since "You do not walk around smiling..." But I surely do not walk around looking like a Polynesian-Negro which may perform with white gloves on my hands, climbing silently on an invisible ladder on a sidewalk in California! 

Speaking of mugshots, this brings me to the great state of Virginia and their GENIUS idea to change the identification to that of a mug shot from the "roaring 20s".  Not only is the ID no longer in color (they have selected the ever so complimenting color of "bleak beige") but again, you are unable to smile.  I was recently made to update my information and photo and viola I have a proud mugshot sample which I carry around in my wallet: 

Let us take a moment to comment on on the great state of Virginia ensures that while this state may be for "lovers" I wouldn't have had a chance in hell in finding a lover if this photo was used:

1. The runaway slave mugshot is just not "sexy"
2. To have it twice on the ID - see that lovely hologram - make it not sexy times two!
3. What in the hell is that on my cheek?!  They photo shopped a rash on my face!  REALLY VA, REALLY?!  Now I look like I have scabies on my face!  *gracias VA, gracias*

You laughed when I said I looked like a runaway slave, didn't you?  But I was so serious, so serious. Secretly you know this photo fits perfectly in a WANTED:  RUNAWAY SLAVE poster.  Just to prove my point and for those who may need a visual:

Tell me my expression does not resemble the expression of the faces of this freed slave couple...

I have to show this photo practically on the daily basis:  anytime I purchase alcohol, anytime I want to enter a place with an age limit, anytime I am pulled over for speeding, anytime I need to pick up a package from the post office and the damn thing is on file with my employer!  Maybe I can practice my Harriet Tubman mugshot pose in the mirror for a few months, "accidentally" lose this one and then re-take with my perfected Harriet Tubman mugshot pose?  Hmm I may be on to something ... I need to fix my photo first impression, at least for the State of VA, quickly!  For those who have not had to take a passport photo yet or have not had to renew your license with this new photo -- START PRACTICING NOW!  I have yet to see one that "compliments" the subject.  Don't be a victim ~ prepare in advance for your smile-less, bleak beige identification!