Phoebe and the Leper

** WARNING:  THIS BLOG SHOULD NOT BE READ BY THOSE WITH A WEAK STOMACH OR CURRENTLY EATING. **

After an amazing trip in Cote d'Ivoire I flew to London and Paris with what I thought were bug bites that became infected and became boils.  I was very wrong...

What I in fact had was myiasis.  What is myiasis you ask?  Well, let me tell you:
The Putzi Fly (Tumbu Fly), lays eggs in damp clothing which are hanging out to dry.  Once we put these garments on and upon contact with human skin the eggs hatch. The larvae burrow into the skin and develop into fully grown maggots if left to their own devices. The unfortunate human host develops multiple boil-like sores, usually on the backs of arms, around the waist, back or bottom.

TRUE STORY MOMENT:  Of course, as with any WTF moment in my life, it just so happens that these eggs were in a pair of pants.  And of course with my trying to feel feminine under my garments with lace boy shorts, these larvae burrowed there way into the middle of my left butt cheek.  I find it ironic that "myiasis" coincidentally rhymes with "my ass itch." But I digress ...

Anyway, I consulted my mother and as she thought they were boils I dabbed Neosporin on them, put on bandages, packed my belongings and caught a flight on Air France back to DC.  It was 4 hours into the flight that I decided to clean these wounds and re-bandage.  Well the Neosporin suffocated the maggot and out it popped ... on an airplane bathroom ... there I stood, with my ass toward the mirror and a maggot about 1/2 long on this cotton-ball.  WHAT IN THE F*CK!  Of course I panicked!  I covered my mouth as I did into want to scream aloud and have staff break down the door and catch me in such a precarious position.  So I wrapped up the maggot and put "him" in my purse.  

Upon landing at IAD and greeting William, I immediately told him what happened and that we needed to go to the emergency room.  Upon arriving at the ER when the nurse asked me why I was coming in I told her, "A maggot crawled out the middle of my butt cheek."  She gave me this look:

She then had me complete the required paperwork and off I went to the back to await another nurse who would write down my information prior to the doctor's arrival.  When the second nurse came she was less surprised and said that something similar happened to her husband while they were in Haiti.  The doctor on the other hand was a bit muddled as this was his first time seeing such a case.  I told him that I kept the "visitor" for him to see.  He looked at it, looked at my ass cheek in the air, looked at it again and stuttered, "This looks like a maggot..." he then comes over to examine my butt cheek and notices the hole aka the maggot residence which has been evacuated and mutters "wow" under his breath.  Once he has gotten himself together he says he is going to send me to an infectious disease doctor who can better diagnose but that meanwhile he can see that I have "cellulitis" around the wound.  I immediately spoke up, "No doc, that cellulite was there PRIOR to the wound.  I can assure you."  He laughed and said, "No, cellulitis is a bacterial infection that if not treated can become a staph infection."  Oh, oops.  New word learned.  He re-bandaged the wound and gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and a reference to see the infectious disease doctor.  

The next day I was meeting the infectious disease doctor.  She was quite a character.  VERY excited to see my condition to say the least.  She had me bent over the exam table, taking photos of my wound and my maggot with her iPhone.  William, who was in the room with me, was helping her take the photos to ensure the best lighting and angle.  She explained that she had never seen such a case and she left the room only to return 5 minutes later with three large medical books to look up the condition.  It is at this point that she says she took the photos as to show them at an upcoming medical conference.  She would also like to keep the maggot (which we realized was still alive and crawling around in the plastic cup the doctor in the ER provided) to show at this conference with the photos she took.  Thank God William made sure the best lighting and angle were considered when taking these shots -- my butt has been in the air for 4 different strangers to see and now these photos were going to be on a PowerPoint slide for Lord knows how many medical professional to witness!  She promised me it would be an anonymous case.  I give her permission to use the photos and to keep "Schmidt" which is what we named the maggot.  She thanks me and exclaims, "Between you and my leper I am going to be the star of this year's conference for sure!"  A leper?!  I guess there is something worse than having a maggot crawl out of the middle of your left butt cheek ...

I am still taking the antibiotic and William, God bless him, has been cleaning and dressing the wound.  He also takes photos so I can see the healing progress.  I may have to marry this man.  I mean any man who BEFORE fornication and BEFORE marriage would do this ... well ... I know for sure he will wipe my a$$ if / when I lose control of my bowels in my mid 80s! LOL ... just sayin' ...

Anyway, for those who are a visual person, watch the video to get a clear picture of what my left ass cheek went through:  Myiasis 

How to avoid becoming a victim:
This is very common in Africa, Central and South America.  To avoid becoming the host of Putzi fly offspring, the simple solution is dry your clothes in a damn dryer!  LOL ... however, if this is not possible then the next solution would be to iron all your clothes (including underwear and socks)! The heat of the iron kills the eggs. This isn't always possible while traveling so dry your clothes inside to avoid the putzi flies laying their eggs in them. I, personally, am procuring a travel iron and steamer which will accompany me on ALL work travel abroad.