The Buzz

If you have ever been a Peace Corps volunteer then you know there are certain people out there in the world that know everything about you ~ good, bad, naughty and nice.  These people were your confidant when you missed your family and friends at home, your drinking buddies, your dance partners, your "naked Cranium" teammates and your colleagues.  Even if you did not get along they are a part of your memory and still hold a place in your heart and in some way shaped your path forward.

This is very true of my Peace Corps/El Salvador buddies - particularly the ladies. 

There was a drunken night when we were sitting around sipping on Flor de Cana and talking about sex and our men at home (for those who came with boyfriend back in the states) as Norah Jones' "Turn Me On" played in the background.  Somehow, and it is a bit foggy HOW, the topic switched to masturbation.  Now, me as a non-masturbator at the time, adamantly gave my reasons as to why I do NOT nor will I EVER masturbate *ew and gross*  One woman (she shall remain anonymous LOL) in particularly shouted above the rest, "Phoebe it is my goal that you will be a masterbatin' fool by the time you leave El Salvador!"  We all laughed ~ the two non-masterbators swore to not be changed and the other ladies swore to find a way to ensure we lost our masturbation virginity. 

A year after that conversation, I bought my first vibrator.  They won.  But so did I.

I am not here to change anyone's minds or their views on how they feel about this topic.  I am just here to provide the PROs to such solo fun and some information on where to procure some toys.

Ladies, what is in the PRO column for us, you ask?  Let me tell you!  Research shows the following PROs to female masturbation:

1. A lifetime of orgasms!  Unlike men ~ we can do it all  night long, all our lives.  Women in their 80s are still pleasing themselves long after their husbands pass on.  
2. No strings attached!  Your "toy" is not going to be mad if you put it to the side for a month.  It does not complain, it does not talk, it does not make special position requests.  It is there for you and you make all the demands and it don't say anything!  There are no obligations - you can get tired of it and replace it without warning or hurt feelings.  It is pretty much the ideal partner on the side.
3. Turn that frown upside down!  Winter weather got you down?  Masturbate!  Endorphins are released during an orgasm.  Why are endorphins the best thing ever?  Well the body reacts to natural endorphins as it would to an opiate.  Sure you could reach this same effect with chocolate - but why add extra calories into your diet?  Or you could reach it with eating hot chili peppers - but why the suffering?  And yeah yeah you could reach it exercising - but er it just is not as fun, unless you are an avid runner or cyclist but again, admit it, you would rather be "playing" then exercising to get to this high, right?
4. No pain cuz of the "O" again!  Remember those endorphins?  Yeah they are pain reducers too.  *sweet!*  Studies show that women who masturbate moderately have shown a decrease in PMS and menstrual cramps during that special time of the month. Muhahaha "auntie" ~ you scare me not!  Bring it!
5. Zzzzzzzzz!  Just as it is true after an awesome round of hot, sweaty butt naked sex, a good orgasm will knock you out!  Having troubles sleeping?  Well you know the answer ...
6. Never without!  Life is not fair, especially to men in the sexual department.  Unfortunately they have an "expiration" date and without the use of meds the sexual relationship can become "dysfunctional."  Your buddy will be able to perform as long as batteries are sold...just sayin'
7. STD and sperm free!  Finally, your "toy" is STD free.  No worries on getting pregnant either.  (NOTE:  while your toy is STD free, be sure to keep it clean and sanitized to avoid bacterial infections).

As I change my toy every year (for sanitary reasons) my 2010 toy (purchased in Nov of that year) was in the trash and a new one was in order!  So I decided to have a "Champagne and Vibes" Brunch for ladies only.

The menu was simple and delicious:

Fresh fruit

Bagels

Maple bacon with almond vanilla pancakes

From Victoria's Secret:  Caramel and sea salt popcorn with chocolate drizzle and mini brownie variety

Mimosas:  1/2 oz of Grand Marnier, fill half with OJ and top with Spumante sparkling wine.  Garnish:  fresh raspberry

We sat around for almost two hours chatting, catching  up on work, life and wedding plans (a recently engaged friend was in attendance).  At 1pm the "fun" began.
 
I invited a representative from Slumber Parties (http://www.slumberparties.com/Home.aspx).  The "event" was quite classy and yes, my mother was in attendance.  Admit it women, we are not as open as our male counterparts when it comes to discussing sex, masturbation, orgasms, etc.  And very few of us feel comfortable going into an adult store fearing we will be seen by someone we know.  But we are all interested in these things. And in the privacy of your home, surrounded by your closest females family members and friends, this is such fun and guarantees a lot of laughter, "ohh and ahhs" and "huh?!  that does what??" And they sell more than just toys and lingerie.  They also sell candles (ok with pheromones), lotion shaving cream which helps in avoiding shaving bumps (ok yes it is called "coochie" but men can use for their shaving needs as well), a variety of room sprays which smell really good (ok ok again, they too contain pheromones) and after bath body oil (yup, you guessed it, they have pheromones in that too).  Ultimately, what they sell is not "sex" but "sexy" "confidant" and a way to spice up your love life with your spouse / partner.  


In the end it was really a fun "Girl Day."  We laughed, we smelled, we touched, we sipped, we buzzed and some of us procured. Who attended and procured shall remain a secret but ladies, I advise every one of you to have a "Slumber Party".  Even if you do not buy anything, it will be an unforgettable time with your closest female friends.


This blog entry is dedicated to the ladies in this photo ~ the original BUZZ MAKERS.  Met and loved since 2003: