I spy ...

"I spy with my little eyes..."  Remember that game?  

Well I have observed some things that make me laugh to myself, shake my head or just think "WHO does that??"  Here are a list of those observations: 

Observation:  smokers huddling near each other for warmth as they smoke outside in cold winter weather.  OK now this is just ridiculous.  For that "delicious" nicotine fix you are willing to stand outside and stand up to high winter winds making it feel like 10 degrees?  And THEN you huddle together so that you can inhale not only your toxic smoke but the toxic smoke of your fellow smokers??  My conclusion:  these smokers do a harder drug.  Probably crack.

Observation:  bad weave.  I just do not get it.  If you cannot afford a good weave right now, save up!  You walking around with something that looks like you broomed it up from the corner of your bathroom floor is not attractive.  The holidays were just upon us.  And guess what, your real hair probably looks better.  You should have requested the cash to invest in your hair.  Weave is an ACCESSORY.  And like all accessories you have to invest or it's going to look a hot mess or break you out in a rash.  My conclusion:  that wench must be bald.

Observation: suffering dog owners.  Oh my friendly Caucasian neighbors.  My heart goes out to you as you have to walk around with your dog on these frightfully cold winter day.  As I drive home in my heated car each night I see these people shivering as they slow walk their dog.  Their dog, on the other hand, is naturally prepared to endure such temperatures and so it enjoys the walk the same as it would on a summer or spring day.  The owner on the other hand is rubbing their hands together, observing their breath in the wind praying that dog would hurry the hell up so they can get back to their heated apartment or condo.  But noooo the dog sees another dog and it wants to bark, mark its territory, play .. everything but relieve itself so you can go home.  Not only do you have to suffer in the cold and risk hypothermia but then you have to bend your frozen body over and pick up that dog's mess *smh*  My conclusion:  you are that dog's bitch! 

Observation:  that too dark skinned woman wearing blue eye shadow.  Do I really need to explain this?  Shank your friend who told you "Girl you look good in that color ~ it brings out your eyes!"  They lied and should be punished.  My conclusion:  You look like a sambo clown.  

 Observation:  the Latino that says "nigga."  OK so this word is frequently used in rap lyrics and in the streets its ok for Blacks to use it.  Whites you may experience some form of violence if you use it around the wrong crowd.  But every time a Latino uses the word I get real confused and a wee bit incómoda.  How should I react?  I guess it depends on their origins.  Those with African roots (i.e. Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans or countries in Central America who also participated in Columbus' slave trade enterprise back in the day i.e. Costa Rica, Panama and Nicaragua) ... yeah ok I get it.  But um Salvadorans and those of Incan or Mayan no having African in their blood descent, I er ain't too comfy with you diciendo-ing "nigga" or even "el negro" or "la negra" and this includes those reggaeton singers.  I am just sayin' ... while I do not use the word in general and my personal preference would be to eliminate the word entirely, I think we must all play by the street rules on this to avoid any personal grievances or bodily harm.  My conclusion:  Latinos of Incan or Mayan no having African in their blood descent you have been added to the Whites on this list and can no longer use "nigga" on the calles.  Gracias. 

Observation:  flirtation culture gap.  Finally, on my last trip to Haiti a man decided to pay me a compliment, "You are so fat.  I love it!"  WTF?!  My heart stopped and my eyes got super big and as I fixed my mouth to say something of a non-Christian like vocabulary, I remembered I was not at home.  Clearly, he didn't mean "obese" ... he meant thick but they do not use that word in Haiti and as he rambled on in his broken English / Creole he went on to explain that a woman shaped like me would not be single in his country.  My body says I am taken care of by a man or family with wealth and have kids (clearly he was referencing my hips).  I smiled and thanked him for his compliment and sashayed away.  My conclusion:  PSA to obese women:  If you have a low self esteem and are single and unwanted in the USA .. go to Haiti or Dominican Republic!