Part I - aw how sweet right? Yeah ok, it was. Then the "sour" hit - hard and furious like!
My mom says this to me all the time:
Month 1 is all kisses, smiles and bliss
Month 2 the love blind fold starts to slip
Month 3 you are wantin' to push that man off a cliff!
But if you make it past month three then trust me, you will be ok.
**DISCLAIMER: every time my mom tells me this, the words change. She tends to make up her own words all the time. I remembered the last one as it was recently recited to me in regards to William and I. **
The title of this entry is one of my favorite quotes and is found in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Even 400+ years ago sh*t wasn't easy when it came to love. Shakespeare's plays are riddled with emotional drama, game playing and anguish, even miscommunication / misinterpretation of facts between lovers, which in the infamous Romeo and Juliet resulted in a dual suicide. Now, I do not plan on sippin' on any poison or stabbing myself with my gentleman's sword and dramatically falling down by his side but dating, falling in love, remaining in love, relationships ... again, sh*t is intense and difficult!
So then we must ask ourselves, as sang by the whore of the 50s himself, Frankie Lymon, "Why do fools fall in love?" Well the song suggests that falling in love is as natural as the rain, a bird's song and so naturally we humans are fools, suckas for love. Regardless of past heartache we naturally need romantic love, to feel needed by someone of the opposite sex.
William and I had experienced six blissful weeks of happiness. Skipping around, holding hands, stealing glances and kisses every where we went, making single people vomit I'm sure (or maybe that was just me as a single woman?). Anyha, it was indeed during month 2 that the love blind fold began to slip. Every day was a new argument. We were arguing over everything and I could not figure out why. But since he had not cheated on me, had not been abusive in any way I decided I was going to put on my tool belt o love and fix the issue, starting with me.
Step #1: Prayer. "Lord o Lord, please humble me to see where I am at fault. Help me not look at him like he is crazy when he says something dumb or annoying triggering a negative response. Help me to not say insulting things to hurt his man pride such as "that is the dumbest thing you have ever said in life Im sure" triggering yet another negative response. Lord, help me to not send angry texts with more than one exclamation mark, and definitely not in all caps. Help me become a softer woman Lord, a care bear like loving female. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Step #2: Self Help Books. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am always right *duh* But remembering something my Bishop stated, "its not about who is right or wrong, its about maintaining the relationship" I made an attempt to practice this new, foreign idea! So what did I do? What any Borders member would do - I bought self help books! The first one was "The Five Love Languages of Apology" (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-languages-of-apology/). I needed to learn this art of apology. Now, the second book that I procured I asked William to read with me so that when I was away on work travel we could discuss it every night during our skype dates. The book is entitled "The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional" (http://www.nestentertainment.com/one-year-love-language-minute-devotional_p161623.aspx). And faithfully I read like a good new-at-this-relatinship-student. I was reading and taking notes as if I was in grad school again!
Step #3: The "forget me not kiss." Now they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I was going to be away for 4 weeks on work travel. Surely we would miss each other so much that arguing would seem petty! As he dropped me off at the airport he was a bit hesitant to say goodbye. He hugged me tight and then as we pulled back he looked at me for a long time, we stood there in silence, parked illegally curbside at the drop off point at IAD. I decided to take some initiative...I grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him. It was a long, deep, passionate kiss - the ones that you see white people have in movies all the time and the ones that, again, make single people vomit and yell "get a room!" When we pulled back my red lipstick was all over my face - all over his face. He smiled and said, "I know we are going to be ok. I am going to take this time to fix me as you have done ... we are going to be ok ..." I smiled and said, "I believe we will." In hindsight I probably should have sexed him up for hours instead of a kiss but alas William and I have decided to not have sex (SAY WHAT?! haha) so this was not an option and this kiss would have to do...
Step #4: Comedy. While I was away I created several someecards for him and sent them. In the midst of arguing (yes even while I was abroad) I was hoping that if we kept laughter in the relationship, we would be ok. Two examples:
Step #5: Consult women who are in healthy relationships. Enter my female colleagues and their advice. Kizi, well, she and I are 100% alike! Takes no BS and will cut a n*gga off "choppa style" like so --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szQwHZ-aWGU and then there is Ajoia who is cool, calm and collected. She is the good one to go to when the "crazy flag" is being raised and you are about to say or do something you regret. She definitely offers up the "post initial emotional response" advice. Then there was my girl Afua who is a mix of Kizi and Ajoia. And of course, I had to go to my momma. But me and my momma think so much alike - she gets me - so she offers her advice in the form of the poetry you see in the beginning of this blog, some Biblical advice (she's a PK) and wraps it all up with a quote that begins with "at the end of the day ..."
Step #6: Get it out! Well since we are not having sex there is some frustration built up which must be "released". This energy was released in various ways: yelling/crying to vent when alone, crying / venting with my colleagues who suffered through it all while I was on travel with them, of course dancing - lots of hot sweaty dancing and then walks alone. I tried to masterbate several times but since I cant even remember what sex feels like since its been THAT long *le sigh* that was an epic fail ROFL (TMI? Oh well, get over it haha).
In the end, while I was away, nothing seemed to work *sad face* ... I questioned whether I was even excited to see him when I came home ... I kept praying and reading and then I finally came home.
As I exited the airport I saw him. He was by "door 2" since people were parked in front of "door 1" awaiting their loved ones. I saw him leaning in the car on the passenger side to get something. I smiled. I instantly realized I was happy to see him. My heart won over my mind. I was momentarily distracted (i.e. I tripped on my own two feet and almost fell) but when I looked up William was standing there with a huge smile on his face holding up a glass vase filled with roses and small pink lilies and a huge sunshine balloon.
My mom says this to me all the time:
Month 1 is all kisses, smiles and bliss
Month 2 the love blind fold starts to slip
Month 3 you are wantin' to push that man off a cliff!
But if you make it past month three then trust me, you will be ok.
**DISCLAIMER: every time my mom tells me this, the words change. She tends to make up her own words all the time. I remembered the last one as it was recently recited to me in regards to William and I. **
The title of this entry is one of my favorite quotes and is found in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Even 400+ years ago sh*t wasn't easy when it came to love. Shakespeare's plays are riddled with emotional drama, game playing and anguish, even miscommunication / misinterpretation of facts between lovers, which in the infamous Romeo and Juliet resulted in a dual suicide. Now, I do not plan on sippin' on any poison or stabbing myself with my gentleman's sword and dramatically falling down by his side but dating, falling in love, remaining in love, relationships ... again, sh*t is intense and difficult!
So then we must ask ourselves, as sang by the whore of the 50s himself, Frankie Lymon, "Why do fools fall in love?" Well the song suggests that falling in love is as natural as the rain, a bird's song and so naturally we humans are fools, suckas for love. Regardless of past heartache we naturally need romantic love, to feel needed by someone of the opposite sex.
William and I had experienced six blissful weeks of happiness. Skipping around, holding hands, stealing glances and kisses every where we went, making single people vomit I'm sure (or maybe that was just me as a single woman?). Anyha, it was indeed during month 2 that the love blind fold began to slip. Every day was a new argument. We were arguing over everything and I could not figure out why. But since he had not cheated on me, had not been abusive in any way I decided I was going to put on my tool belt o love and fix the issue, starting with me.
Step #1: Prayer. "Lord o Lord, please humble me to see where I am at fault. Help me not look at him like he is crazy when he says something dumb or annoying triggering a negative response. Help me to not say insulting things to hurt his man pride such as "that is the dumbest thing you have ever said in life Im sure" triggering yet another negative response. Lord, help me to not send angry texts with more than one exclamation mark, and definitely not in all caps. Help me become a softer woman Lord, a care bear like loving female. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
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| Love-A-Lot Care Bear |
Step #3: The "forget me not kiss." Now they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I was going to be away for 4 weeks on work travel. Surely we would miss each other so much that arguing would seem petty! As he dropped me off at the airport he was a bit hesitant to say goodbye. He hugged me tight and then as we pulled back he looked at me for a long time, we stood there in silence, parked illegally curbside at the drop off point at IAD. I decided to take some initiative...I grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him. It was a long, deep, passionate kiss - the ones that you see white people have in movies all the time and the ones that, again, make single people vomit and yell "get a room!" When we pulled back my red lipstick was all over my face - all over his face. He smiled and said, "I know we are going to be ok. I am going to take this time to fix me as you have done ... we are going to be ok ..." I smiled and said, "I believe we will." In hindsight I probably should have sexed him up for hours instead of a kiss but alas William and I have decided to not have sex (SAY WHAT?! haha) so this was not an option and this kiss would have to do...
Step #4: Comedy. While I was away I created several someecards for him and sent them. In the midst of arguing (yes even while I was abroad) I was hoping that if we kept laughter in the relationship, we would be ok. Two examples:
Step #5: Consult women who are in healthy relationships. Enter my female colleagues and their advice. Kizi, well, she and I are 100% alike! Takes no BS and will cut a n*gga off "choppa style" like so --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szQwHZ-aWGU and then there is Ajoia who is cool, calm and collected. She is the good one to go to when the "crazy flag" is being raised and you are about to say or do something you regret. She definitely offers up the "post initial emotional response" advice. Then there was my girl Afua who is a mix of Kizi and Ajoia. And of course, I had to go to my momma. But me and my momma think so much alike - she gets me - so she offers her advice in the form of the poetry you see in the beginning of this blog, some Biblical advice (she's a PK) and wraps it all up with a quote that begins with "at the end of the day ..."
Step #6: Get it out! Well since we are not having sex there is some frustration built up which must be "released". This energy was released in various ways: yelling/crying to vent when alone, crying / venting with my colleagues who suffered through it all while I was on travel with them, of course dancing - lots of hot sweaty dancing and then walks alone. I tried to masterbate several times but since I cant even remember what sex feels like since its been THAT long *le sigh* that was an epic fail ROFL (TMI? Oh well, get over it haha).
In the end, while I was away, nothing seemed to work *sad face* ... I questioned whether I was even excited to see him when I came home ... I kept praying and reading and then I finally came home.
As I exited the airport I saw him. He was by "door 2" since people were parked in front of "door 1" awaiting their loved ones. I saw him leaning in the car on the passenger side to get something. I smiled. I instantly realized I was happy to see him. My heart won over my mind. I was momentarily distracted (i.e. I tripped on my own two feet and almost fell) but when I looked up William was standing there with a huge smile on his face holding up a glass vase filled with roses and small pink lilies and a huge sunshine balloon.
I had another dramatic white couple in a movie moment as I left my luggage and ran up to him, jumped in his arms and then kissed him. As we were kissing I could hear the women in the background "aww isn't that sweet?" He must have felt like an airport love hero! After the kiss he went over and retrieved my luggage, packed the car and we were on our way to lunch. I was craving Chick-fil-A .. and it was GOOD! Oh so good! Afterwards, we went to get our hands and feet done – together. This was fun and enlightening as he really does have pretty feet and hands! (Yes, he even got his hands dipped in paraffin wax!)
He even took my car on a date! He got the Camry all sexy with some detailing, an oil change and some new hub caps (I only had 2 ... now I have 4 again!). Afterwards, my parents were expecting us. We went to my parents’ house and my mom had prepared a freakin' feast! After dinner my mom and I popped open a bottle of Asti and sat out dessert (fresh fruit, cheese and crackers). Once we served ourselves, we all sat down to allow my parents to talk with us about what we were going through (my parents have been together for 40+ years, married for 35). They gave him some insight on how I communicate and how he needs to take some things way less personal -- it’s not that serious, as I’ve said over and over and over again. My mom also explained that my strong personality may make him feel emasculated but this too he is going to have to get over. She also advised that I speak to him "softer" and take his feelings / reactions into consideration. She advised William that I am selfish, moody and if my heart is set on something, I will agree to disagree but compromising may not be an option. I am not patient when it comes to repeating myself and when I am sleepy patience level drops to 50% so saying anything to annoy me at this point is not a good idea. He would have to accept this if he wanted to be with me -- she asked if he was he ready / prepared to put up with all of that. Well, now he is in the relationship eyes wide open, thanks mom! Two hours later the champagne was gone and the conversation came to an end. Coincidentally right in time for football and so he and my dad excused themselves and watched football. My first day back was drama and argument free! I was happy.
The next day we had lunch at Founding Farmers (http://www.wearefoundingfarmers.com/ff_menus/menu-lunchdinner/) to discuss our “Non-negotiable” list. My mom advised the night before, “Even a non-negotiable is … negotiable.” This turned out to be very true. But that is another story for another day.
The good news is William and I have not argued since I have come home. I am staying hopeful because the “course of true love never did run smooth”. We tripped up on rocks, fell into ditches and came to the cliffs where I’m sure we both wanted to toss each other off the side … but we managed to find our way back onto a smoother path. Hopefully, when we come up on the rocks again, we hold hands to ensure the other doesn’t trip, when we come up on the ditches we work together to "build a bridge" to get over it together and at those cliffs we stop to look at the view and then continue to move on. It’s all about learning, building, accepting, respecting, appreciating and ultimately loving.
I have to sign off now to clean up a bit as I am expecting him in 30 minutes. It’s DVD and cook dinner together night! We will be making spicy Asian beef with brown rice and collard greens. Red wine for me, Coke Cola for him as he does not drink. Dessert will be ice cream by Ben&Jerrys (in a bowl, nothing kinky since again we are not having sex “Lord, be a pillar of strength. Amen.”) The movie is undecided – since I chose the menu I will let him chose the movie.
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