There are moments in life on this earth where when something happens in our lives that we see as a "blessing." There are moments in life where we praise Baby Jesus or God in moments which are clearly inappropriate.
Things for which you should NOT thank God or Baby Jesus:
10. For all the fine men or women in the singles ministry at your new church. Lust - its a sin. So calm down and stop being all hot in the pressed-church-pants!
9. For getting hooked up with extra chicken at Bojangles, Popeyes, KFC, etc. "Thank God cuz I sho was hungry!" You might as well just soft shoe it up in church praising God for some free fried chicken *niggerdom*
8. For "finding" $20 -- but you just saw it fall out of that persons pocket. Er not a blessing - "God saw my needs and then bam! $20. Praise Him!" Noooo He was testing yo thievin' behind - He was hoping you'd be honest and give the money back. #fail
7. For a great night at the club. "Giiiiirl praise Him! I needed that night out! I mean the music (secular) was off the chain and men was buyin drinks all night - I'm wasted! And thank God they were cuz I was broke!" Please stay yo broke butt in the house and read some scripture for free...
6. For the negative pregnancy test results ... Yo fast a$$ shouldn't be fornicating anyway! Close them legs please *gracias*
5. For your good looks. I mean conceited much?! Who says, "I thank God everyday for my good looks! I can't imagine what it would be like to roam this earth unattractive..." Ok I've said that but I asked for forgiveness each and every time lol
4. When you KNOW you cheated on your taxes to get extra money. That extra money wasn't a "blessing" to praise Him for -- you just stole money *thief*
3. When the person you can't stand the most at work gets fired. "Amen! I've been praying ..." No matter how much you can't stand someone, don't pray they become unemployed ... besides then they get unemployment benefits on your tax dollars. So basically you're paying for your enemies time off *jokes on you*
2. The deliverance of a sex buddy who lays it down after a "drought". "Thank God I met you - I was about to be a virgin again!" Inappropriate annnnnddd scene.
1. An orgasm. Need I say more? If you have uttered "Wow, praise Him for THAT *phew*" please sprinkle holy water on yourself immediately!
So fellow sinners, the next time you open your mouth to say "Praise Him!" think fast! Is it an appropriate situation to shout to baby Jesus for thanks? Nobody is perfect so if you have done one of the aforementioned examples, find your Holy Water, pour some in your hand and splash your dirty mouth LOL
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| "Did they really just praise me for that? No, really...really?" |
Things for which you should NOT thank God or Baby Jesus:
10. For all the fine men or women in the singles ministry at your new church. Lust - its a sin. So calm down and stop being all hot in the pressed-church-pants!
9. For getting hooked up with extra chicken at Bojangles, Popeyes, KFC, etc. "Thank God cuz I sho was hungry!" You might as well just soft shoe it up in church praising God for some free fried chicken *niggerdom*
8. For "finding" $20 -- but you just saw it fall out of that persons pocket. Er not a blessing - "God saw my needs and then bam! $20. Praise Him!" Noooo He was testing yo thievin' behind - He was hoping you'd be honest and give the money back. #fail
7. For a great night at the club. "Giiiiirl praise Him! I needed that night out! I mean the music (secular) was off the chain and men was buyin drinks all night - I'm wasted! And thank God they were cuz I was broke!" Please stay yo broke butt in the house and read some scripture for free...
6. For the negative pregnancy test results ... Yo fast a$$ shouldn't be fornicating anyway! Close them legs please *gracias*
5. For your good looks. I mean conceited much?! Who says, "I thank God everyday for my good looks! I can't imagine what it would be like to roam this earth unattractive..." Ok I've said that but I asked for forgiveness each and every time lol
4. When you KNOW you cheated on your taxes to get extra money. That extra money wasn't a "blessing" to praise Him for -- you just stole money *thief*
3. When the person you can't stand the most at work gets fired. "Amen! I've been praying ..." No matter how much you can't stand someone, don't pray they become unemployed ... besides then they get unemployment benefits on your tax dollars. So basically you're paying for your enemies time off *jokes on you*
2. The deliverance of a sex buddy who lays it down after a "drought". "Thank God I met you - I was about to be a virgin again!" Inappropriate annnnnddd scene.
1. An orgasm. Need I say more? If you have uttered "Wow, praise Him for THAT *phew*" please sprinkle holy water on yourself immediately!
So fellow sinners, the next time you open your mouth to say "Praise Him!" think fast! Is it an appropriate situation to shout to baby Jesus for thanks? Nobody is perfect so if you have done one of the aforementioned examples, find your Holy Water, pour some in your hand and splash your dirty mouth LOL
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