The flight from DC to South Africa was almost 17 hours. You can imagine how sitting in one position for such a long period of time, even with the short bursts of exercise (walking up and down the aisles) and stretching, can have such a toll on your body. I did have an overnight layover in South Africa and had the pleasure of soaking in a hot bath to relax a bit prior to boarding a plane the next day for the 60 minute flight to Botswana. Sadly, it did not help long term.
Since arriving in Botswana Friday my body has been exhausted and sore. I have tried to walk around the hotel grounds, duplicate the warm bath, do plenty of stretches that I learned in yoga and pilates class and yet I was still in great pain. Such great pain that I have been unable to sleep more than 4 hours since arriving. Well I had finally had enough! I was going to seek out and get a massage. I need sleep and I need my body relaxed so that I can concentrate on doing the job I am here to do. My colleague made an appointment and I was so excited ~ finally, I was going to get the help I needed!
I was not prepared.
Before the massage begins I am asked to consult with a woman who speaks low, is about 4'11" and maybe 100lbs. I think "Hm what kind of pressure is she going to be able to provide??" But I do not say anything ~ I am just grateful they got me as the last customer. After telling her to focus on my back, shoulders and neck, she suggests a hot stone massage. Well well well I have never had one of these before, let's do it!
She then instructs me to take off my clothes ~ not a problem, this is normal, just keep on my panties ... then she pulls out these paper mache g-strings. She hands me the XL and stretches them to let me know "Yes, they will fit your large ass..." Upon further inspection I realize that #1 they are see through and #2 this is literally a STRING. I immediately look down at my crotch and think "Hm am I "prepared" for this??" LOL I hesitate but take the paper mache g-string and say "If they do not fit I will just keep my own panties on ..." she nods and closes the door. Well they do fit and I am "prepared" but I have to think to myself, "Why do I need to wear these? What does she plan on doing to my buttcheeks that require them to be out and about?" I soon got my answer ...
At first it was quite a relaxing experience. Soft music, scented rose oils fragrant the room and dim lighting being provided by lights in the shape of water lilies. I lay on the warm massage table and start to drift away when she walks back in. She proceeds to wash my body down with warm water that also smell like the rose petals that float on top. She softly asks me if I am comfortable and I smile sleepily and reply, "Yes."
Again, I was NOT prepared ... This little woman who was about 4'11", maybe 100lbs put all of those 100lbs into my back with her elbows, forearms and hands IMMEDIATELY! I jolted up forgetting that I was half naked wearing a paper mache g-string and yelp "Where are the comforting hot stones??" She, at first, is taken aback (I guess she was not expecting me to jump) and then laughs and replies, "Oh I must loosen your muscles up first. You are very tense Miss Phoebe." Indeed I am. What followed was an hour of pain as she stretched, pulled and massaged each and every muscle I had in my back, thighs, calves, forearms, neck and buttcheeks ~ she even massaged that side roll on my left side. I stayed strong (ok I let out the occasional pain cry) and took deep breaths (ok that was to hold back the tears) through the pain. Then all of a sudden I hear a loud motor. I look up and she has a hand held massager with plastic spikes and her eyes are fixed on my buttcheeks ~ WTH WAS SHE PLANNING?? I immediately put both hands on my buttcheeks to protect them from this viking like weapon when she stops the thing momentarily, smiles and says, "In the end you will feel much better ... trust me." *insert cute, innocent blinks* and I trust her. Wrong. Wrong to do that!
This plastic flail which they are calling a massager in modern day terms dug deep into the muscles and the first 15 minutes were painful! However, as time went on it became much easier and eventually no pain was present at all. FINALLY, she brings out the hot stones and massages my body with these warm large pebbles of comfort and all was well again in the spa. When it was all over she allowed me to lie there for 5 minutes while she went to prepare fresh warm rose water to re-wash my body to ensure no traces of oil remained. Again I was at my peaceful spa, lying there, sleepily, smiling, forgetting I was ever in pain ... when I finally arose it was as if my entire body collapsed into a relaxed state. It was amazing!
I made an appointment for 1 hour ~ she spent 2 working on each and every sore muscle. I happily handed her the 340 pula (approx $49 which included tip) and thanked her for everything. I was sure to sleep, finally. And sleep I did. I finally slept a full 8 hours since landing in Botswana. I slept so hard I woke up, panicked, not knowing where I was, on the wrong side of the bed with sheet prints covering my right side.
What have we learned:
Since arriving in Botswana Friday my body has been exhausted and sore. I have tried to walk around the hotel grounds, duplicate the warm bath, do plenty of stretches that I learned in yoga and pilates class and yet I was still in great pain. Such great pain that I have been unable to sleep more than 4 hours since arriving. Well I had finally had enough! I was going to seek out and get a massage. I need sleep and I need my body relaxed so that I can concentrate on doing the job I am here to do. My colleague made an appointment and I was so excited ~ finally, I was going to get the help I needed!
I was not prepared.
Before the massage begins I am asked to consult with a woman who speaks low, is about 4'11" and maybe 100lbs. I think "Hm what kind of pressure is she going to be able to provide??" But I do not say anything ~ I am just grateful they got me as the last customer. After telling her to focus on my back, shoulders and neck, she suggests a hot stone massage. Well well well I have never had one of these before, let's do it!
She then instructs me to take off my clothes ~ not a problem, this is normal, just keep on my panties ... then she pulls out these paper mache g-strings. She hands me the XL and stretches them to let me know "Yes, they will fit your large ass..." Upon further inspection I realize that #1 they are see through and #2 this is literally a STRING. I immediately look down at my crotch and think "Hm am I "prepared" for this??" LOL I hesitate but take the paper mache g-string and say "If they do not fit I will just keep my own panties on ..." she nods and closes the door. Well they do fit and I am "prepared" but I have to think to myself, "Why do I need to wear these? What does she plan on doing to my buttcheeks that require them to be out and about?" I soon got my answer ...At first it was quite a relaxing experience. Soft music, scented rose oils fragrant the room and dim lighting being provided by lights in the shape of water lilies. I lay on the warm massage table and start to drift away when she walks back in. She proceeds to wash my body down with warm water that also smell like the rose petals that float on top. She softly asks me if I am comfortable and I smile sleepily and reply, "Yes."
Again, I was NOT prepared ... This little woman who was about 4'11", maybe 100lbs put all of those 100lbs into my back with her elbows, forearms and hands IMMEDIATELY! I jolted up forgetting that I was half naked wearing a paper mache g-string and yelp "Where are the comforting hot stones??" She, at first, is taken aback (I guess she was not expecting me to jump) and then laughs and replies, "Oh I must loosen your muscles up first. You are very tense Miss Phoebe." Indeed I am. What followed was an hour of pain as she stretched, pulled and massaged each and every muscle I had in my back, thighs, calves, forearms, neck and buttcheeks ~ she even massaged that side roll on my left side. I stayed strong (ok I let out the occasional pain cry) and took deep breaths (ok that was to hold back the tears) through the pain. Then all of a sudden I hear a loud motor. I look up and she has a hand held massager with plastic spikes and her eyes are fixed on my buttcheeks ~ WTH WAS SHE PLANNING?? I immediately put both hands on my buttcheeks to protect them from this viking like weapon when she stops the thing momentarily, smiles and says, "In the end you will feel much better ... trust me." *insert cute, innocent blinks* and I trust her. Wrong. Wrong to do that!
 |
| A flail |
I made an appointment for 1 hour ~ she spent 2 working on each and every sore muscle. I happily handed her the 340 pula (approx $49 which included tip) and thanked her for everything. I was sure to sleep, finally. And sleep I did. I finally slept a full 8 hours since landing in Botswana. I slept so hard I woke up, panicked, not knowing where I was, on the wrong side of the bed with sheet prints covering my right side.
What have we learned:
- After a long flight, get the massage IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise you are just asking for a painful massage days later.
- Make sure your bikini line is always "ready" ~ you never know what may come up ... in a spa apparently.
- Going to a spa in Africa? Be prepared for the paper mache g-string. They come in pink and white.
- The electronic massager can be the enemy...but only temporarily. No pain no gain is clearly its motto.
- Finally, 4'11" and 100lbs female masseuse is probably a deadly ninja assassins inflicting pain without warning. Do not underestimate their "moderate pressure" technique.
