His Sacrifice, My Freedom

Everyday I rise realizing I can sit, dine and be educated where I please.
I confidently walk the streets knowing blasts from hoses won't bring me to my knees.
While my parents were the first in their counties to integrate,
I've always simply been known as "Phoebe Kenney, classmate."
And King, if you refer to the Black women, the Queen as a ho, treat her with disrespect, judge her beauty on how light her skin or how straight her hair...
You're not building the Dream, you're contributing to the original nightmare.
And Queen, remember after hundreds of years of being beat down, depressed, told he was nothing,
That Black man is not a "nigga" but a King.
My parents, aunts and grandparents marched, fought and sacrificed.
My freedom is a child of their dream.
So I remain awake, eyes open, clear in the future vision.
Marching forward with grace and respect for Dr. King's Dream has been realized.
Everyday is a day to strengthen each other --
Sister, brother, regardless of color.
This one day is a simple reminder for every freedom for which Dr. King peacefully fought but violently lost his life.
A man and his Dream - to be celebrated not just 1 day but all 365.

Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr (January 15, 1929 – April 4, 1968).  Amazingly it took 18 years for the federal holiday, Martin Luther King, Jr Day, to be observed.  The federal holiday was observed for the first time January 20, 1986. 

Why Are You Single??

POF profile photo

"My friends would describe me as a woman who loves to laugh, dance (bachata, salsa, merengue) and travel (for work and relaxation). I'm also loyal, giving and very close to my family.  I am not religious but do have a spiritual relationship with God.  I believe this relationship is different from person to person and judging others' beliefs and their spiritual journey is something I do not tolerate.

I travel quite a bit for work but when I'm home I enjoy spending time with my family, volunteering, reading, cooking and dancing. Life is so very short and I do believe it's meant to be enjoyed and spent with people you love and who love you in return.  My ideal match would grow to be my best friend. I'm waiting for a spiritual man whose considerate of my time, space and feelings. A man whose consistent, willing to communicate and honest about what they are communicating. I will absolutely not tolerate liars, being disrespected, inconsistency and a man who brings drama to my door... instead, my ideal match will also love to laugh, dance or be willing to learn and share their passions with me."

That was my online profile which I posted on "Plenty of Fish" October 12, 2013.   Prior to the online profile I never really 'dated' in the past.  I met someone, we go out and somewhere in the 'dating honeymoon phase' I find myself with a boyfriend or in a long term relationship.  So this was my attempt at dating.  My standards were:  1) NO coffee or lunch dates - take me to dinner! 2) NO sexual conversation 3) I will meet you at the agreed upon location at the agreed upon time (I live alone and as a single woman I do NOT want everyone knowing where I live) and 4) if you are more than 30 minutes late do not expect me to be there.  After 5 weeks I deactivated my account as I was going on a business trip for two weeks and would not have the time to put in the effort needed to 'date' online.  I admit I was also exhausted!  In those weeks I found myself on 12 first dates, 5 second dates and 3 third dates.  While I did not met my partner, soulmate, my Nemo, there were definitely plenty of fish and it was a great experience. 

Each man was different in age (28 - 37), level of education (HS - PhD), number of languages spoken varied (Russian, Spanish and of course they all spoke English), single, divorced, 5'6" - 6'4", Latin, Black or White.  But one thing they all had in common, the one thing they all asked me on the first date:  So, why are YOU single?  Some would follow up with, "You seem like such a cool person..." or "You are smart, gorgeous, no kids...I could not believe you were single!"  And while I am sure that question is meant to be a compliment, let me tell you gents what we women hear, "So what is wrong with you?"  As my friend noted, nobody meets a married woman and casually asks her, "So, why are you married?"  Therefore, the implication is marriage = success!  Single = failure or a fault within you that is keeping you in that social category.  The other reason this question is absolutely ridiculous is how do you answer such an inquiry?  Anything we woman might say is seen as a weakness, a fault, an area in our lives which may need improvement or fixing.  I have answered it in various ways but here are my top two responses:

Another profile photo

Example #1:

Me:  I just have not found the right person.

Him #1:  Or maybe you have but were too picky and missed out.

Him #2:  How can you meet the right person when you are never in the country?

Him #3:  Really?  I would think a beautiful woman such as yourself would meet men all the time.  I was surprised you were free.  I thought your calender would be full of men wanting to take you out.  (I gave this man the side eye because AGAIN, any answer you give is a negative.  "Yes, this is true" implies PICKY SLUT! "No, not really" implies PICKY B*TCH! But I digress...)

Example #2:

Me:  As I mentioned in my profile, I travel quite a bit for work.

Him #1, #2 and #3:  Well how can you expect to settle down if you are never in the country?  Do you really think you have the time to truly date and meet someone?  When do expect to slow down - I mean you aren't getting any younger ...

On the first date a woman wants to display her best qualities.  She takes the time to iron her clothes, put on her make-up so that is appears natural but brings out her beautiful features, wears the perfect shoes, dabs on her favorite perfume.  She smiles when she greets the man to let him know she is happy to see him as well as to assist him in relaxing, "I am happy to finally meet you" is what that smile is communicating.  She appears to not be too picky when it comes to the wine selects and while she may want a dozen chicken wings or a rack of ribs, she chooses an entree which she will have to eat with a fork and knife.  Then this question.  The answer is nothing she can put a positive spin on.  No response will be good enough.  Anything she says will instantly make her self conscious, "Maybe I am the reason I am still single.  He thinks I am great but maybe I am too picky?  Maybe I do not have enough time to date?  Maybe work is too much of a priority?"  And when a woman becomes self conscious she becomes unsure of herself subconsciously.  She goes home, calls her girlfriends to discuss the date and 'that' question wondering if she answered it ok.  Wondering, now, if you will even call such a picky, busy b*tch. 

So men, a piece of advice.  If you are truly interested in the woman on which you are having this amazing first date, then instead do not ask her about her past.  It is the first date!  Talk about something fun, light, enjoy her company.  Do not worry about why she is single, the last time she was in a relationship, the last time she had sex or kissed a man.  GET TO KNOW HER.  Get to know her through this mutually shared process - in that moment which you will never get back and if you marry her, will always remember and tell your children.  Do not build your opinion on her past moments.  Besides, why do you care WHY she is single?  Lucky you!  Because if she were in a relationship you would not be on that first date enjoying her company.

XOXO,

Phoebe.  Single.  35 (almost).  No kids.

Destination Kampala, Uganda: Places to eat, dance and generally have fun!

Happy New Year!  Well it has been a while.  And my sole excuse is WORK WORK WORK!  But I am back, relaxed and focused.  Ideas are flowing and I am excited about what I have planned for the blog this year!  We will continue blogging about my Mother's first visit to South Africa but while my memory is fresh I wanted to blog about my last work trip of the year:  Kampala, Uganda.

I managed to escape two weeks of cold weather by traveling to Kampala, Uganda in December.  Hopefully you were able to read my first blog detailing some history and my first experience in Uganda (http://publicprivateconfessions.blogspot.com/2013/06/destination-uganda-pearl-of-africa.html)! After my first trip to Kampala I was able to come home and say for certainty that Uganda is a country I would love to visit again!  After my second visit I am 80% sure I could live there! 

Near the banks of Lake Victoria, Kampala, the capital of Uganda, is a lively city with quite a bit to see, do and enjoy. Before the British, the city was the capital of the Buganda Kingdom, and remains so to this day.  The two times I have been in Kampala I experienced perfect weather:  80°F in the day, no humidity (and if there is a humidity you are sure it is going to rain) / 60°F at night - sometimes lower requiring a light jacket or cardigan. But do bring an umbrella because when it rains - it pours! While the rain always brings with it cooler temperature it unfortunately also brings with it mosquitoes so also be sure bring repellent with you.

The local currency, Ugandan Shilling, is normally around 2,500 UGX to $1 which means living is pretty affordable for those toting USD or EUR.  And what do I spend my money on?  Food and drinks! Every where you go you can hear laughter, see children playing, hear live music, observe business men having coffee while discussing the day's business and late at night you are sure to hear hard bass and loud music filling the streets.  An indication that someone is dancing somewhere until 2 - 3am ... on a week night.  And then there is quite a variety of places to dine and drink with friends.

Restaurants:

• The Lawns (http://www.thelawns.co.ug/) - If you are adventurous and looking to try game meat, then this is the place to try it - everything is delicious!  The restaurant is garden style eating with beautiful landscape.  Often you will find children chasing the pet bunnies living on the property.  Colleagues and I have dined on stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon, alligator in a garlic white wine sauce, kudu and springbok.  

Bacon and cheese filled naan

Chicken lollipops

Feta and spinach stuffed bacon wrapped chicken

Looking for variety? Try grilled crocodile, kudu and springbok!

I guess it was good ;)

• Shaka Zulu - Local food favorite.  
  
  
  

  

  Reasonable prices!

  
  

  

  Chicken pillau:  spiced rice with chicken, yuca, tomatoes and a spicy sauce for dipping

  

  Luwombo is a traditional Ugandan dish steamed in banana leaves.

  
  

  

  Smoked beef - it was DELICIOUS!

• Little Donkey  - Uganda's version of Chipotle.  The food is fresh and well seasoned.  While you are here you may want to take enjoy one (or two) of their amazing margaritas!  They offer traditional lime margarita but you can also have one made with hibiscus juice which is equally amazing!
  
  
  
  

  

  You can make a burrito, a salad or have everything a la carte.  Enjoy!

• Mediterraneo Pizzeria - If you are absolutely craving pizza and a nice glass of wine, this is a place you should try! 
  
  
  

  

  Nice ambiance!  You will find quite a few expats dining here for lunch. 

  
  

  

  This pizza was AMAZING!

• Fasika - Ethiopian restaurant. If you are craving Ethiopian food, local beer served cold and maybe a game of pool, then find your way to Fasika which is located in Kabalagala.
  
  
  

  

  We ordered all the favorites, of course!...

  
  

  

  ...it was delicious. And yes, we did finish the tray!

As you browse the menu in the suggested restaurants, look out for these tasty local treats which you  MUST try:

• Matoke - matoke would remind you of a green plantain. After being steamed for a couple of hours, matoke is smashed and then served with sauce, usually made of peanut (or groundnut), vegetables or meat.
• Groundnut - us Americans would refer to this as a peanut but let me tell you .. the way the nut is roasted, with the skin, makes this one of the most amazing snacks!  The groundnut has quite a bit of flavor and is addictive!  I suggest taking as much as you can home!
• Nsenene - this is a seasonal snack in Uganda.  Lightly fried in oil and seasonings, this crispy snack reminded me of popcorn.  No 'real' taste with the only texture being crunch.  This small pan costs 100,000 Ugandan shilling or approximately $33! 
  
  

  

  Nsenene or 'grasshopper'

Shopping:  If you are looking for a place to shop until you drop or to simply find a large grocery store then you should stop by Garden City Mall.  You can also find a movie theater, bowling alley and karaoke shenanigans here! If you are need to find souvenirs, check out The Banana Boat for high quality souvenirs.  Warning, they are high priced and there is no bargaining but the souvenirs are nice and would be appreciated by any loved one at home.

Places to Dance / Be Entertained:

• Jazzville on Sunday evenings offers a night of sexy latin dancing!  Hosted by Next Step Dancing, the evening starts at 5pm with lessons in salsa, merengue, zouk, kizomba and bachata.  Then open dancing from 7p - 10p and trust me, YOU WILL DANCE!  I left soaking wet enjoying the dance sweat!  If you are looking for a passionate and friendly group of dancers with whom to learn or simply enjoy dancing, then please find your way to Jazzville on Sunday evenings.  You will not regret it!  Jazzville also offers live music every night.  So sit back, order a drink and enjoy after a long day at work. 
  
  
  
  
• Kabalagala.  There is not much to say because you will not have an issue finding somewhere to to party in Kabalagala.  There are restaurants with live music, lively coffee shops, pubs and lounges.  Coming from Bugolobi a taxi ride to the party center will cost about 25,000 UGX one way.

If you are not a dancer but want to observe dancing, then make your way to Ndere Cultural Center!  For adults who are not from Uganda, the cost is 30,000 UGX which includes the show and dinner buffet.  The dancers are adorned in regional dress sharing tribal traditions through the art of dance.  The best night to go is Friday night.  Before and after the show local artisans also sell souvenirs at a reasonable price.  This does not mean you should not bargain the price - always bargain!  The show begins at 7pm.  Be on time to ensure you get a good seat! 

Places to Stay: 

• My colleague and I have always stayed at Royal Suites in Bugolobi.  The room is a one bedroom apartment with a full kitchen.  It is reasonably priced at $150/night.  Wireless internet is spotty and not consistent but the hotel also offers a full gym, spa with reasonably priced massages and a nice pool.  The restaurant never has everything on the menu so be prepared to ask "What do you have today" versus asking for the menu.  Of course, you also have the option to cook. 
• Down the street are the Dolphin Suites.  I had a chance to visit the property while on a dinner date (that is another story *wink*) and truly enjoyed the grounds!  The pool is gorgeous!  The restaurant is garden style, outside with garden furniture and quite large.  The menu is quite extensive and guess what ~ they have EVERYTHING on the menu!  I was quite impressed.  I ordered chicken tikka masala and it was delicious!  I did take a brochure with me as this may be where I say on my next visit.  The rooms are clean, large and reasonably priced at $100-$125/night.  The other bonus is they offer IN ROOM massages!  This is quite a perk for the tired traveler who may be too exhausted to walk to the spa.
• Before I advise of the next location, I will admit I have never been there personally.  However, my colleague did not have enough great things to say about this resort.  Therefore, the next time I venture to Kampala I will be making my way to Munyonyo Resort.  "Set on 90 acres in the Speke Resort complex and with a majestic view of Lake Victoria, Munyonyo Commonwealth Resort is Uganda’s leading 5-star resort."  90 acres ... 5-star resort??  Oh yes I can get down with a 5-star resort!  There are seven restaurants on the property, a spa, a gym and the staff will also assist with scheduling day trips, safaris as well as recreational activities on the water.  Want the good news?  Rooms start at $145/night!  Learn more on the website:  http://www.munyonyocommonwealth.com/

You can surely see how I would truly enjoy two weeks in Kampala!  For work I have one more trip planned to Kampala.  I plan to extend my stay to make sure I am able to see more in and outside of Kampala.  Can you believe I have YET to enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon around Lake Victoria?!  I surely cannot!  That is also on my to do list along with a luxury weekend on Munyonyo Resort.  Kampala is a busy city filled with so much culture, things to do, places to eat and new friends to meet.  If you are looking for an adventurous place to vacation, I strongly suggest Uganda, the Pearl of Africa, as your next destination.