I dedicate this song to ...

I recently started following this very fun and interesting blog:  Man, Wife & Dog (http://manwifeanddog.com/#axzz1ruBMmBra). Ladies, you should stop by the blog. It is quite entertaining, insightful and inspirational.  Especially to someone like me who was single for so long.  One of the (many) flaws about being single for so long is that I sometimes find it hard to express myself vocally.  Not when I am upset, of course haha but when I need to tell him how much I love and appreciate him.

To assist me with this I have decided to complete the "love homework" assignments which are found on Man, Wife & Dog.  Every Tuesday "wife" will put up a love assignment we women can try that might in some way help us better understand, communicate, appreciate and enjoy our relationship.

The assignment this week:  dedicate a song.   The first song I dedicate to William is "I Need You to Survive" by Hezekiah Walker. 

The first time I heard this song was the first Sunday I saw my baby play at church.  The song came at a time where we were constantly arguing and when I heard it I was instantly humbled and my heart heard the message.  A sample of the lyrics:

I pray for you, You pray for me.
I love you, I need you to survive.
I won't harm you with words from my mouth.
I love you, I need you to survive.
(repeat 8 X)

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive

The message is simple:  our relationship is not about us as individuals, it is about a partnership.  And we need each other to survive. Our relationship is not going to survive on physical (lust) but by being built on a strong, spiritual foundation and agreement.  I need to not only pray with William, but pray for him.  Secondly, by respecting each other (even when we are upset).  I need to be very careful about what I say TO and ABOUT William.  And by simply loving William.  Love, not as defined by society, a society in which it is easy to fall in and out of love but as defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 where it says that love "protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" ...

"I Need You to Survive" by Hezekiah Walker:

 

I am going to dedicate a second song for "extra credit" haha - "It's Love" by Jill Scott. Many of you know how William and I met - in a hotel bar in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  I was not paying much attention to the band until they started playing "It's Love" by Jill Scott.  Go-go beat in Ethiopia!?  This VA girl was super happy!  I immediately jumped up and started dancing to rep VA/Luzbooti style.  THAT is when I noticed the drummer.  I thought "Yo dude is crankin'!"  I was introduced to him later that night by one of the lead singers - " This is JR or Speedy, he was on the drums..."  He was busy putting his drums into the vehicle so there was no conversation but he gave me a polite nod and smile.  The next day he introduced himself to me in a local brunch spot and invited me back out to see him play.  I saw the band play again the night before I left Ethiopia.  That night he asked for my card and promised to call me when he was back in the DC area.  I did not expect him to call but he did and here we are 8 months later.  Every time I hear that song it brings a smile to my face.  When I see him play this song it does something to my heart (ok ok maybe my loins -- there is something so SEXY about him playin' this song hm hm hm) ... I do love my Christian Drummer Boy ...

The song in case you do NOT know it ~ It's Love by Jill Scott.

Destination: A Memorial in Rwanda

Hello Rwanda!  Rwanda is my newest African country - yes, it is my first time in Rwanda.  The weather is quite nice, the streets of Kigali are clean and the city is actually very quiet.  Even when I passed by a bar or am at the pool bar in the hotel, there is never any music blasting, people hanging out and cheering with large cold mugs of the local beer or dancing.  I soon came to find out why the streets were so quiet, the people so distant and "lights out" was early.

April 6 marked the 18th anniversary of the beginning of the genocide here in Rwanda.  April, is therefore,  the country's mourning period.  The "pretty" purple billboards, which I did not understand because the message is written in the local language, are actually billboards in the color of mourning (purple) and remind the people of Rwanda to remember the genocide ...

In 1994, Rwanda’s population of seven million was composed of three ethnic groups: Hutu (approximately 85%), Tutsi (14%) and Twa (1%).  The number of lives lost during the 100 days of this horrific event is estimated between 800,000 - 1.2M.  If we take the "average" we get an estimated 1M people who lost their lives in 100 days.  That is 1/7 of the entire country's population ... approximately 10,000 people a day. 

During the month of April businesses tend to close early so that people can be with their family to remember and / or attend church or remembrance gatherings.  Wearing purple during this time is as a sign of respect in remembrance of those who lost their lives.  Purple is not only the color of mourning but also represents HOPE.  HOPE that even though so many lost their lives in those 100 days it provides survivors HOPE of unity and reconciliation amongst all Rwandans.  Bars will not blast jovial music, it will be somber and ex-pats will probably be drinking alone or amongst themselves.  Movies and speeches of remembrance will be seen / heard every evening throughout all parts of the countries.  Where lives were lost you will find bouquets of purple flowers.  Entire families were lost so it will be up to their friends and neighbors to keep their memory alive.  Some bodies, while found, were so unrecognizable that families may never have closure since identification is impossible.   Memorial sites will be visited by those who wish to remember, honor their loved one.  You can understand why the country becomes so quiet, the people so distant.  They are remembering, they are mourning and the emotional scars are still present.

My colleague and I visited one such memorial site:  Ntarama (http://www.rwandanstories.org/genocide/ntarama_church.html),

Previous to the genocide, in times of disruption between the Hutu and Tutsi, Tutsi elders, women and children were safe in the neighborhood church. They brought food, supplies and waited for the next moment of peace when they could return to their homes. However, on April 15, 1994 an "exception" was made. This church was invaded and everyone who thought they were safe were killed. Approximately 5,000 lost their life by means of machete, guns, grenades, fire or being thrown against a brick wall. I never thought this much hate was even possible, let alone to see the evidence of it with my own eyes...

To memorialize the church they did nothing.  Walls blown in by grenades still stand, damaged.

Wind still blows through the stain glass windows which were blown out by gunfire.

A blood stain covers a large portion of a wall in the Bible study room where babies and small children were killed by throwing them head first into that very wall.  Burnt remnants of supplies, notebooks, mattresses, shoes and clothes lie on a floor of the room that was burned down.  The garden which now beautifies the memorial served as a graveyard for those who tried to run for their lives and were killed.

Tattered clothes and shoes can be found "decorating" the main room of the church in which you will also find approximately 300 skulls which still tell the story of how lives came to end:  evidence of bullet and spear holes and even the tip of a machete are still seen in the skull.  

Coffins which serve as the final resting place for dozens are draped in purple and lace, adorned with crosses, can also be found in this room.  After visiting that memorial I now understand why it is so quiet here in Rwanda (I am staying in Kigali).  It is "different" for a social person such as myself but I am glad to have experienced this moment in this country.  I spend my evenings and weekends quietly.  No dancing.  No happy hours.  No karaoke.  I spend a lot of quiet time reading, learning more about the genocide, talking to my loved ones, letting them know how much I love, miss them, learning new words and phrases in French (another French speaking country!) and watching movies on Movie Magic 1, Bible Mysteries on National Geographic or Nigerian soap operas on MNET (I have been reunited with Tinsel haha).  It has been 10 days of reflection, understanding and mental relaxation.  I have enjoyed a massage since my arrival, had my hair done for $50 (this included tip) and plan to get a body wrap this weekend (first time!).  Unfortunately, I will not be able to get a permit in time to see the gorillas.  Perhaps this will be on the list when I am blessed enough to visit Rwanda for a second time.

If you are ever in Rwanda, take the time, take a day to visit the memorials, silent, in reflection.  Out of respect for the average of 1M people that lost their lives in the country's genocide.  Also, take the time to enjoy the people, the food, the sights and if you can make it, the gorillas!