Lamb leftovers = Shepherds Pie

Happy holidays!  If you were as blessed as I was, your Christmas dinner was amazing!  Our dinner included: deep fried turkey, maple syrup/brown sugar glazed ham, lamb roast marinated in garlic, ginger, virgin olive oil, fresh sage and thyme, homemade potato salad and macaroni cheese, crisp, colorful garden salad, hot dinner rolls, collard greens and string beans.  Dessert - all made by scratch (Aunt Estelle can BAKE!) - chocolate/chocolate cake, coconut cake.  My father's colleague also provided homemade a coconut cream and pumpkin pie.  Luther Vandross, the Temptations and Etta James provided Christmas melodies in the background ... until football came on haha Truly blessed to share hearty laughs, an abundance of food and plenty of libations with my amazing family.  As the Christmas day party came to an end we had plenty of leftovers ~ even after all the Blacks packed their tupperware and depleted the foil. 

The day after Christmas, it is cold, gray and rainy.  When my Mom asked what we would have for dinner I immediately thought:  shepherds pie!  It is one of my favorite winter dishes and we had plenty of lamb left so why not?

Before mincing the lamb, I started boiling the small golden potatoes.  While waiting for the potatoes, I proceeded by mincing the leftover lamb.  In the roast pan Mom included sweet onions as well as red and orange peppers.  After lamb was finely minced I pureed the vegetables until they were a gravy texture.  I placed the minced lamb in a baking pan and poured the "gravy" over the lamb.

Once the potaotes were done I mashed them with 2% milk, sour cream, salt and pepper.  I then forked the potatoes onto the minced lamb in the baking pan.

I placed the pie into the pre-heated oven (350) and baked.

After baking for 45 minutes the potatoes are perfectly browned, crispy around the edges (YUM!).  The "cherry on top" - Dubliner cheese.  You can find this delight in your grocery's "gourmet" cheese section.  It runs for $7.

I placed thin slices on the shepherds pie and put the pie back in the over for another 30 minutes.  The result:  a perfectly browned, yummy shepherds pie.

I enjoyed my piece of the pie with a glass of Anakena Merlot from Chile. 

Prep time (boiling and mashing potatoes):  60 minutes
Prep time (mincing lamb): 30 minutes
Cook time: 75 minutes
Enjoy food & wine time:  30 minutes

It was the perfect way to savor Mom's leftover lamb on the cold night after Christmas. 

Out of the ashes ...

On October 25 I was involved in a car accident which claimed the life of my second vehicle, INS8BLE II (2003 Toyota Camry XLE).  The first officer on the scene did write me the ticket (following too close) although it was clearly the fault of a young woman two cars in front of me that stopped in the middle of the road for no apparent reason other than she may have been lost (or high?) at 8am on a Thursday.  She, of course, fled the scene.  There were five men willing to be a witness, however since I am pretty sure they were high, at 8am on a Thursday, the officer pretty much ignored them (I would have too).  In the end, at 20mph it was either the car in front of me or jerking my car to the right and hitting a light post.  I chose the car in front of me.  While the damage from the outside did not appear substantial, internally various major parts of the powertrain were pushed back into the engine.  My 2003 Toyota Camry XLE, on which I had 170k miles, one missing hubcap, paint scraps from the yellow posts in the garage I park and countless other dings was worth $6000 but the damage she sustained would cost over $4000 to repair.  My insurance deemed her a total loss. 

Together since May 5, 2005

RIP INS8BLE II - Oct 25, 2012

Three days after the accident, I cleaned her out and said my goodbyes.  Unfortunately, I was not able to car shop immediately as I was on my way to Cote d'Ivoire so that would have to wait.  That's ok.  I needed time to mourn her anyway.

After my return from Cote d'Ivoire I was indeed ready to procure a new vehicle.  My mind was set on another Camry, of course.  This had been my second Camry and both were been good to me with no major work having to be done only for both to be ripped away from me in major accidents.  But I had been told that the Camry was the "old Black woman's Cadillac" and to try new, cooler things.  So, as the open minded individual I am, I did.  In the end I went to five dealerships and test drove the Acura TL, TSX, Lexus IS and ES, Toyota Rav4 and Honda Accord.  I did see an Acura RDX on cars.com which I wanted to test drive but by the time I arrived from Africa, it was sold.  I never encountered another one - they must be pretty popular!  Anyway, last Saturday afternoon I found myself at a Toyota dealership and fell in love with a red 2010 Toyota Camry XLE V6, 32,000 miles, leather (heated seats), voice activated navigation, moonroof, leather seats and bluetooth - all the fun stuff plus its a dependable Camry.  I test drove it and fell more in love.  Then the talks of money came up and the sticker price was $24k.  "...its certified..." "...free oil changes, filter and VA inspection for life of vehicle..." blah blah blah is all I heard.  The car was not worth $24k and I offered $19k (willing to pay $20k) but he would not budge.  At all.  After 30 minutes of the back and forth, with a tear in my eye, I walked away.  I went back to my parents house to cook dinner and on the way home I prayed and thought "Lord, you know my needs and my wants ... and my budget!  Just get me there ..."  While cooking dinner I did more research and on cars.com a new listing!  A black 2010 Toyota Camry XLE V6, leather, voice activated navigation, moonroof, leather seats and bluetooth -- just like the red Camry BUT only 9,400 miles! And in my price range of $20k!  #Godisgood #allthetime It was a Saturday night and so I immediately emailed the dealer and requested a test drive.  However, due to the lack of a vehicle my request was for Thursday afternoon, Friday morning at the latest.  Seneca Harris, the man who would prove to be quite influential in this story, picked me up Friday at 10am.  He introduced me to the vehicle, showed me all the 'bells and whistles' and I realized that I did love the red Camry - that was lust.  Sitting in THIS car, THIS moment -- that was love.  I named her immediately in my heart - Phoenix - for out of the ashes has arisen a new, improved, updated Camry XLE.  5 hours later I drove away in Phoenix.  She is mine.  I own her.  My favorite moment over the weekend:  I was listening to 107.9 (el zol) and they were jammin'!  Playing all my favorite bachata hits.  For 40 miles I was quite contenta.  Then I realized OH MY GOODNESS -- THAT IS MY PLAYLIST!  I had no idea when you connected to bluetooth that it also connected to your music playlist on google!  Que?! Well that makes me very happy -- no more CD clutter in my car!  Anyway, enough writing about her.  Please meet Phoenix - the Rise of INS8BLE!

From the back

To the side ...

Face to face...

But its not about whats on the outside -- its the inside that counts *wink*

Voice activated navigation - cuz I stay lost!

Leather interior ...

...wood grain detailing

Sun/moon roof

I would also advise anyone buying a car to do their research!  It is because of research that I knew the previous Camry was not worth $24k!  My favorite site was http://www.cargurus.com. I found some great advice, things to look for and the site also details if the deal you found was a great, fair or bad deal!  Phoenix was listed at $20,800 but based on condition and mileage she was listed $1500 below blue book!  So yes, I got a GREAT deal.  Again, I was reminded "sometimes rejection is God's protection!"  Thank you Lord for the pocketbook protection!  I would like to thank Seneca Harris at Koons Toyota in Tysons VA for introducing me to Phoenix.  He was not pushy, friendly and trustworthy. I would recommend him any day of the week, all year long!  Clearly anyone reading this can tell I'm happy with the car AND the price!

Thanksgiving in Abidjan

Our hostess Ana and Pete

This year I was away from my family on the Thanksgiving holiday for the first time since Peace Corps.  Thankfully I was surrounded by great people (old and new friends) and amazing food! As I was determined to have a "taste" of home here in Abidjan, my suitcase was packed with two cans of Glory Collard Greens and pre-mixed dry ingredients to make "sweet" cornbread.  However, as this dry mix was in a zip lock bag it was confiscated by TSA.  I expected this may happen so I also packed two boxes of Jiffy (#winning).  Thanksgiving is not a holiday here and so Karim and I worked until 230pm and then went to the grocery store so that he could procure ingredients for his gourmet side salad, cake, cheese and wine. We arrived at the home of our beautiful hostess, Ana, a little after 4pm as we expected to roll up our sleeves and be in the kitchen.  

But she had this covered with two people chopping, glazing, prepping and stuffing two chickens before our arrival.  However, I did assist in making the cornbread and whipped up the honey butter which I glazed on the cornbread before it was served.  Karim was not allowed to completely chop the ingredients for his gourmet salad but he did whip up an amazing homemade salad dressing (oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, parsley and dijon mustard).  So in the end, we felt kinda useful in the kitchen haha 

Karim making salad dressing

Pete about to carve the chickens

While the food was being prepared and guests were arriving, the small group sat around, watched the children play, listened to music, sipped on adult beverages or worked while sipping on Coke (Karim).

Karim working and sipping on coke

Shawntel on the phone

Once all of the guests arrived (around 8:30pm) Pete had the honor of carving the chickens.  Once chicken was carved, prayer in French and English was said and everyone dived in!  Dinner, conversation, laughter, meet/greet and bilingual conversation continued throughout dinner and dessert.  As everyone had to work the next day, the night did end at midnight.  While I missed my family terribly on this holiday, I am thankful for the experience - how many can say they spent Thanksgiving in Abidjan and not have been an expat?! Experience my Thanksgiving in Abidjan through the photos below.  Enjoy!

Cornbread

Collard greens

Potato bake

Green bean casserole

Salad with goat cheese

Those yummy stuffed chickens

The table

Pie

Beverages

Thankful ... for Clown Exodus

During these cold winter months and with the holidays approaching, many singles are running around trying to find someone with whom they can hibernate all winter long.  But I say to you singles, be thankful for the clowns which have not been allowed /refused to enter the future with you.  At the moment, I know the break up or rejection was painful, but I am a true believer that “sometimes rejection is God’s protection.”  So this Thanksgiving, while I am of course thankful for my family (blood and spiritual), my job, my best and truest friends and my health, I am also very thankful to have avoided further heartbreak, tears, screams, sleepless nights and drama in my clown-free present.  This year there was a grand exodus of three clowns in my life, for which I am thankful.  Let’s recap, shall we:

Exodus of Clown #3:  “I am going to invite you to my city and then act a donkey when I don’t get no booty…”  Are you really that lonely?  I guess the hint for me should have been that he had no options locally.  Duh Phoebe.  No further explanation is really needed since the story is documented in an earlier blog.  Thankful note:  I not only left with no regrets since he received zero sexual romps but I also avoided being seen around town with such a loser!  The local ladies clearly knew something I did not! #canwegetnationalwarnings?

Exodus of Clown #2:  “You are no doubt what I would I ask the Lord for – my perfect woman! … Oh did I mention I have a girlfriend?”  Is this an acceptable approach?  This one annoys me on the fact that relationship status was revealed after time was spent, kisses and numbers were exchanged, plans for dinners were made and oh when I asked the question for the third time.  WHO does this?  I would venture to say a sociopath who is not concerned with anyone’s feelings minus his own.  Dear Clown:  be honest up front.  Being dishonest eliminates my options, which is not playing fair.  Yes, I am going to give you the disgust face and walk away BUT there may be women out there who do not care and will move right on ahead.  And ladies do not think you would be the special one that will make him want to be faithful or tell yourself “well his woman isn’t holding it down …” No, this man is the one to avoid at all costs.  You are not special in his eyes other than being the newest conquest.   Thankful note:  with avoidance of this clown I am pretty sure I also avoided Hepatitis C and/or genital warts.  

Exodus of Clown #1:  “I should not even be bothered but because I love you …” #clownoftheyearaward  Tell me how you REALLY feel clown!  Love is “kind … it is not prideful … it protects”  A man who love you, truly loves you – these words would not only never come out of his mouth but would never cross his mind.  He does not consider “chasing you” or ensuring you feel/know love through his actions and words as “being a bother.”  Additionally, when you express disappointment in his standing you up because he prioritized something else over meeting you or missing a date (which he requested…but Im sure something more important came up) he does not blame you for being (naturally I believe) upset/disappointed and voicing these feelings (without cussing, for which I thank the Holy Lamb).  He acknowledges where he went wrong (or he doesn’t stand you up in the first place, but I digress).  When you cry, he wants to be the resolution and see you smile – he doesn’t accuse you of always being emotional.  When you yell, his actions calm you and he knows when the time is right to initiate a discussion to resolve the issue.  When you feel “ugly” or “bloated” during that time of the month, he rubs your belly, feeds you chocolate, kisses you and reminds you of how beautiful you are.  The extra “little things” he does to ensure you are happy with him and in general do not “bother” him.  In fact, he too finds happiness!  Not only in your smile but also when we women are happy, we ensure our man is happy!  When a man “bothers” to do the little things, I “bother” to do something to let him know I appreciated his kindness, his show of love and add a little extra to show him love in return.  For over a year and some extra months this man has been telling me he loves me, can see me as his wife, spiritual partner and mother of his children.   I am thankful that God has revealed to me that this man and I do not define LOVE the same.  I never want someone to be “bothered” to do or say anything to me.  And the man that God presents to me as my future mate won’t feel “bothered” to ensure I feel and know love.

10 Reasons I am Voting for President Obama

A few weeks ago, during a friendly wine party, I mentioned to a Romney supporter that I not only support Obama but believe his supporters should volunteer for his campaign by, at minimum, going door to door reminding local citizens of the progress we have indeed made in the last four years.  His response?  "What could you possibly say? [...] He is the most incompetent President our country has ever seen..."  Anyone who knows me knows I had to walk away ... wine was involved so emotions were high and besides he was clearly under the influence!  While many bipartisan sources have recorded up to FIFTY accomplishments, I am going to name the top 10 as they are important to ME:  a 33 year old, single woman, defined by my income as middle class, $23k in student loans for undergrad and graduate education.

And for Romney supporters, this blog is NOT for debate.  All statements written here are fact checked and of public record:

10.  He saved the U.S. auto industry.  The bailout of GM and Chrysler re-created 160k jobs.  This may not directly affect you but I have friends whose family members greatly benefited from this - going from unemployed to employed. 
9. Passed the Lilly Ledbetter Act (equal pay for equal work).  Ladies, what does this mean for you?  It means that if you discover you are being paid less than men for the same work, you have the right to sue your employers -- even if that discrimination happened years ago.  Previously, the statue of limitations was 180 days.  While this may not affect you, the message is clear:  women deserve equal pay!
8.  Passed Student Loan Reform Act (lowering heavy student debt) also, doubled funding for Pell Grants.  Again, as I pay my monthly dues to Sallie Mae I am grateful that the interest was not allowed to increase.  Secondly, doubling the funding for pell grants means more youth will have access to a higher education.  Education leads to better job opportunities, higher pay, better lifestyle...  Is this not what we want for the upcoming generations?
7.  Passed middle class tax cuts (saving an average of more than $3,000 per family).  Does this need more explanation?
6.  Improved America's image/reputation abroad.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am a world traveler with my travels taking me to various countries in multiple continents.  Since 2009 I have visited Amsterdam, London, Paris, Ivory Coast, South Africa, Tanzania, Ethiopia, Mozambique, Nigeria, Zimbabwe, Vietnam and Haiti ... and in every single country, I can honestly say I was proud to be an American.  People hugged me, spoke highly of America and a people that would not only vote in their first Black President, but a Black President that is strong, smart, well spoken, highly educated and as a White Parisan commented, "the classiest representation of an American Presidential family since the Kennedys..."  Not only does he represent our country well, politically, in the eyes of world citizens, but he has also served our country with no personal scandal.  No watergates, no sexy blonds singing Happy Birthday, no interns giving him blowjobs ... not even an unloving, scowling look at his wife or children.  When he is photographed with his family we get a picture of warm embraces, deep connection, sincerity, sexiness, hand holding, close dancing, tons of laughing, undeniable love for his family.  It is clear he is not only America's President, but also a family man.  And do not take my word for it, next time you are abroad, bring up the name of our President and see the reaction for yourself.
5.  Passed credit card reform.  I am of the ignorant group that opened my first credit card account as a freshman in college.  The deal was sweet - $1000 limit and 0% interest!  The limit was raised biannually and by 2003 I was looking at over $10k in credit card debit, assisted by every increasing interest, ultimately peaking at 24%.  My credit card was paid before 2009 but this reform prohibits credit card companies from raising rates without advance notification, mandates a grace period on interest rate increases, and strictly limits overdraft and other fees.  Who does this assist?  The middle class ...
4.  Expanded health care of children.  While I do not have a child as of yet, this is important!  Smokers may not be happy as this act, signed in 2009, allows the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) to cover health care for 4 million more children, paid for by a tax increase on tobacco product.  It is clear that our President understands that the education and health of our children should be and is a priority!
3.  Expanded Hate Crime Protection. President Obama signed Hate Crimes Prevention Act (2009), which expands existing hate crime protections to include crimes based on a victim’s sexual orientation, gender, or disability, in addition to race, color, religion, or national origin. Every person has the right to live, walk the streets feeling safe, pursue a livelihood and happiness...
2.  Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) was passed.  Obamacare means no caps on lifetime limits, no denial for pre-existing conditions for adults and children, savings on prescription drugs (in many cases, free generics!), children remain on their parents’ insurance policy until 26 (a reality for young adults who after college still need health insurance), free preventative services (ladies, this means free pap, mammograms ...).  And for those who think "I run every day, I eat healthy, I do not think I should have to pay for the unhealthy persons healthcare."  Let us look at how insurance companies define "pre-exisiting" - it is not limited to only cancer, diabetes and / or heart disease.  At insurance companies discretion, it could and has included hay fever, past several severe sinus infections, anemia, asthma, previous sports injuries ... in essence, a pre-existing condition is simply a condition that existed prior to enrollment in a new policy.  Under Obamacare insurance companies are prohibited from refusing coverage because of someone’s medical history or health risk.  Finally, if you think that your neighbor's health does not affect you - you are wrong!  A healthier nation is a working nation, a working nation is a tax paying nation, a tax paying nation is a financially healthier nation.  And every economist will tell you that when the gap between the poor and the middle class becomes smaller, the the overall financial health of a nation improves.  However, as this gap increases the threat of becoming a 'developing nation' looms...and while you bitch about your taxes increasing to cover Obamacare, keep in mind Canada pays 40%, countries in Europe pay 43-46% ... and let us not forget that five Presidents before Obama attempted to pass a similar bill.  This includes Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Carter, Clinton (TWO REPUBLICANS?! *gasp* No way!)  Yes way!  But President Obama is the only one that got it done! #justsayin
1.  Found and killed Osama Bin Laden, ultimately, ending the Iraq War with the last of US troops leaving on December 18, 2011.  Maybe you do not have a family member or friend in the armed services, but I can tell you that ending this war and bringing all of these men and women home PLUS eliminating the original threat equals a 'win / win' for me and those who were able to hug their loved ones upon their return...

There is no need for me to say anything negative about Romney in this entry.  If anyone reading this can seriously close their eyes, think about things he has said, then open them and still believe his intentions are truly to move this ENTIRE country forward ... well then my breath / words would be wasted. 

What I am asking everyone reading this blog to do:

1. SHARE! Knowledge is power!  Do not depend on the media, your family beliefs, drunken political conversations, etc. drive how you think about President Obama.  This brings me to #2 ...
2. Read the FACTS.  No President is perfect - never will be.  We are under a President, not a Dictator.  Therefore, our President must work with the opposing party to  "git'erdone" as they say.  So for those saying "Well he said he was going to do this, but he didnt ..." please take the time to remember what was blocked by the opposing party.  I definitely give President Obama an A for effort. And take a look at what Republicans have blocked ... does absolutely none of these effect you?  #thinkaboutit
3. VOTE!  Regardless of who you are voting for, get out there and vote!  Blacks and Women ~ our ancestors were tortured, killed, brutalized and more for our present right to vote.  Do not take this for granted.

*******************************************************************

On November 6, 2012, President Barak Obama was re-elected as the President of the United States.  I am proud to not only be an American but to also be born and bred in the great state of Virginia which for the second time, went "blue" to ensure the victory.  Four more years.

Destination: Ethiopia

It has been 1 year and 7 months since my first trip to Ethiopia.  I am so happy to be back!  Ethiopia is one of the most interesting countries I have had the privilege to visit. 

Ethiopia is a landlocked country located in East Africa.  With 85 million people, it is the most populated landlocked country in the world.  It does not appear to be so on the world map you find in school, but is is only slightly smaller than Texas ... times two!

Doro wot - injera serves as "plate" and "utensil"

Ethiopia is not known for yummy foods and 5 star restaurants.  However, I am quite a fan of the food!  And my waistline is too as appetizers and desserts are not common in traditional restaurants.  EVERY Ethiopian meal is served with injera.  Injera is made from tef, a sour-wheat-like grain that is mixed with cool water and a pinch of yeast. Injera is not only edible (and to me, delicious) but also serves as your utensils as you use pieces of injera to scoop the delicious food into your mouth. My favorite dish is 'doro wot'.  It is one of the most recognizable dishes in Ethiopia and is known as the "official" dish of the country.  As I was sharing this meal with friends from Ethiopia, I was told that because the dish takes time to prepare / cook (an entire day apparently) and with many ingredients, the dish is considered an expensive (time and money) one to make.  It is also the main dish shared after two months of fasting.  Therefore, when a woman wants to impress her boyfriend (meaning, get him to put a ring on it!) or husband to be's family (she must got skills .. in the kitchen .. if she's the fiancee), this is the dish she makes!  Eating local cuisine alone is definitely not as fun - reaching over each other during fun, light conversation, competing for the yummy goodness and then pushing it into your mouth with friends ... THAT is the way to enjoy Ethiopian cuisine.  Just an opinion.  Because you do eat with your hands, please be sure to wash your hands first! 

The capital city, Addis Ababa, is where I will be working, socializing and sleeping.  It is the third highest capital in the world  at over 8,000 feet (weez weez as I walk up hills in this country)!  Sometimes referred to as the "Capital of Africa", Addis Ababa is the home to the Organization of African Unity and the United Nations Economic Commission for Africa.  Addis Ababa is home to quite a diverse population which is apparent through the large variety of churches, mosques and museums, including the Ethiopian National Museum which houses the fossilized skeleton "Lucy" discovered in the area in the 1970s.  Making themselves "at home" are also a large number of ex-patriots from around the globe. 

Addis Ababa, economically, is fascinating.  If you are in a car and looking out of your window there is so many contradictions which catch the eye.

In one moment you are on a paved alignment friendly road.  The next minute you are bouncing back and forth (buckle up for safety) on a gravel road which is accentuated by prominent  (and sometimes quite deep) potholes ... then of course there is the road construction, busted water pipes and damaged telephone lines... 

Keep looking out of the window ... you will see tall, new office buildings, nice, well built family residences, beautiful cathedrals or mosques, a sprawling hotel (Sheraton or Radisson Blu to name two ...) but take note of the small homes made of tin on every side, buildings which were partially constructed but are now abandoned, dilapidated houses with a leaky roofs, inside of which dwell people on the brink of being homeless.


Walking the streets you will see women decorated in gorgeous cotton wraps, business men in suits sipping on local coffee as they have their shoes shined, students crossing the streets in their uniforms ... but amongst these people, look out for the homeless man in front of the mosque, wrapped in a tattered blue blanket with his eyes closed, praying the next day will be a better day.  Or notice the old woman with no shoes who is selling that small cup of local coffee to that business man so that she can look forward to eating a meal and feeding others that may depend on her.  Look out for the young men who are not in a school uniform, but instead are covered in debris, no helmets, no gloves, no work goggles - who are busy constructing the newest office building or hotel.


Close your eyes and hear Addis:  car horns, prayer in the local language, laughter from the school children crossing the street, gossip from the ex-pats who sit next to you in traffic or look into the eyes of the homeless woman who has wrapped her child around her.  Listen to her when she approaches your car window, holds out her bony hand to ask you for a few birr as she supports her child whose forgotten tears of hunger are still traceable on his face.

None of what is in this blog is not to discourage anyone from visiting Addis Ababa if you are blessed enough to visit Ethiopia.  In fact, its mix of wealth and poverty it is reflective of many cities we see in the "wealthy" United States or anywhere else in the world.  I have been here for one week and look forward to the second week!  While being a single female is not the ideal ex-pat situation in this country (um because WHO wants to compete against the gorgeous Ethiopian women?!), I absolutely see the charm of what this city has to provide and would consider living/working here ... with my man (future tense, still single) in tow! haha

So, if you plan to visit, keep your mind and your senses open because there is so much to notice, to hear and to taste in the "Capital of Africa" ~ Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  

Destination Atlanta: The Prodigal Man

It has been quite some time since I posted anything about my dating life.  Since the breakup with William I have taken wise advice:  do not date one man at a time ~ date three at a time ~ always remember I am beautiful, strong, living in my own place, no kids, amazing job which allows me to experience the world ~ yup, I have plenty of options!  Clearly the mistake I have been making is dedicating all of my time to one person and when the cracks / red flags begin to show I stay longer than I should, becoming more and more unhappy and resentful.  This is not to say the men were bad ~ they were just not for me.  And "dating" does not mean sleeping with so please erase that from your mind.  It means getting to know people slowly, observing them and how they treat me, how they react to situations in their lives and in our situation, realizing what I like, need and want in a man & in a long term relationship.  The men that do not step up or do not provide me with what I need are outta here!  The men that do step up, give me what I need emotionally and go out of their way to give me what I need ... they can stay around for a bit.  Ultimately, the goal is to whittle down my choices to 'the one' that is my personal perfect fit long term.

It is hard to balance work and dating when you are only in town ten days between trips.  It has been interesting to say the least (I will post more as weeks go by in regards to some of the good and ridiculous) but today's post is about a man we shall name Mr. Prodigal. 

Now Mr. Prodigal and I dated three years ago.  We met online and eventually dated long distance.  And it was amazing!  My career had just taken off and before we could hang out consistently I was in Vietnam.  12 hour time difference did not affect us at all ~ our communication was consistent and allowed us to talk about things that we both wanted, what mattered to us long term and what we were look for romantically.  When I finally came home we met in Baltimore for the weekend.  Everything clicked and we continued dating for several months long distance, visiting each other two weekends a month.  During this time he ran into some financial issues and all of a sudden became distant.  He stopped communicating with me which I was not used to ... then one day he just "disappeared" no goodbye, no explanation ~ nothing.  I was SO hurt.  We went from talking every day, seeing each other ... to nothing.

Fast forward three years:  almost three months ago I received a message from Mr. Prodigal.  He apologized admitting that he took the cowardly way out, the easy way ... his approach was neither right nor mature.  It was f*cked up but he is reaching out and would like to get to know me again ... I was hesitant at first.  Responding to his emails/messages in one sentence - no more than two.  I eventually expanded the length of my communication and we started talking more about on our lives presently (our jobs, our last relationship, our families, etc), moving into light flirting ... well we have been talking every single day since that message and three weeks ago he suggested we meet for a long weekend. My heart dropped ~ am I ready to see him?  Am I ready to like him all over again?  He is easy to like:  a gentleman, a sweet, affectionate man, respectful, amazing kisser ... the point is he makes me nervous.  Of course I immediately wondered if he "run" or disappear again if something he is not prepared to deal with happens.  He says no but right now he is living a good life.  He has established himself in Atlanta, living in a nice neighborhood and stable employment.  He never brought it up again - no pressure.  We continued talking and I made a decision three days ago to take him up on his offer.  Since I have friends in Atlanta I suggested we meet there.  I know the city, I can get around and socialize with my friends if the weekend goes sour.  He is really excited and was not expecting me to say yes!  We did not take long to finalize plans and we finalized my itinerary last night:  arriving Friday Nov 1 until Monday Nov 5.  He is working on our " social itinerary" as he wants to make sure "I am happy" and have a good time with him.

I do not have any expectations for the weekend or what this may mean for Mr. Prodigal and I in the future.  My current plan is to simply get to know him in the space he is in now, have a good time, laugh a lot, eat some good food (he loves to cook) and then take everything day by day after the weekend.  As it stands now, I return November 5 and then November 8 I am off to Ivory Coast for another two weeks of work.  Not to mention he is still long distance.  But I would regret not taking this trip.  I would always wonder about Mr. Prodigal and I.  And if it does not work out this time then I will know...no regrets either way.  So keep me in your prayers ~ wish me luck!

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UPDATE:

This past weekend was my trip to Atlanta.  The trip started off AMAZING as he greeted me with a huge smile on his face, a warm hug and a super sweet kiss.  That evening we went grocery shopping after he was home from work.  As he proceeded to make me a delicious dinner of chicken parm, pasta, garlic bread and salad, he poured me a glass of delicious red wine and wouldn't allow me to lift a finger to assist.  Instead we spent that two hours talking, laughing, flirting and a few kisses here and there ... 


During dinner we ate in front of the TV to watch the Knicks game.  The good times continued - we laughed, caught up and I believe, truly enjoyed those hours in each others presence.

But this was not to be the theme of the weekend.

As physical chemistry was still present, hormones were super high but I was very hesitant to become physically engaged during this trip. Initially the reason was my cycle did not end until Saturday (I arrived Friday afternoon).  However, once things did not 'pop off' the first night I started to notice changes in his behavior.  He was less flirty, less talkative, more distant and at one point, mentioned that I should spend some time with my friends in ATL as he is used to living alone and not having to entertain guests so ... *DISCLAIMER:  please excuse my language...* But WHAT IN THE HOT DAMN?!  This trip was HIS idea.  It was HIS idea for me to be in his space, in his apartment, in his city.  This weekend was HIS suggestion THREE times! I specifically asked him about his expectations for the weekend and help with managing mine as I did not want to assume this was a romantic weekend if this was in fact a booty call weekend.  He adamantly denied it being anything close to a booty call weekend - he has feelings for me, he missed me and he cannot wait to spend time with me blah blah blah bullsh*t ... As the classy lady I am (Ok, am working on being), I did not fuss or yell or cry.  I called up my girlfriend and did what I needed to do to make the best of this weekend:  I went shopping (thus the fabulous leather Coach bag and Michael Kors wedges), ate some delicious food, indulged in Godiva, sipped on some drinks and allowed myself to be flirted and complimented by two new men.

The next day I flew home with ZERO regrets!  Not only did I enjoy the time I spent with my girlfriend, but I also had a chance to relax, spoil myself and to see once and for all that this man is NOT the man for me in any capacity - romantic or platonic.  There is no looking back.  And when he does return (because he will - they always do) there will be no fatted calf or gifts in the form of my attention, time or oxygen space.  This is a PAYASO FREE ZONE!

Besides, upon my return home I was greeted with more roses.  Ain't he sweet?  I think he may have missed me ...

Destination: a "bucking" good time in Tanzania

Karibu! (You are welcome!)

It has been two years since I had the pleasure of visiting Tanzania.  I was in Tanzania for work but arrived the weekend before to ensure I had some time to "play".  We attended an event I am sure you are only to find on the continent of Africa:  the self proclaimed premier event in Tanzania:  The Annual Charity Goat Races.  Yes.  Goats.  Racing.  Around a track.  People placing bets on those goats.  All in the name of charity. But please note, over the last 12 years over 544 million shillings (almost $350k) has been raised for local charities - well done goats!

Cheering for Goat Nads...

Tickets to enter the event is 5,000 shillings (approximately $3).  Various organizations, prior to the event, have procured a local goat, named their lucky animal (i.e. Goat Nads, Makers Choice, Baaaaaazooka, Pasajero, Go Tee, etc.) and stand in the middle of the race track to cheer on their sponsored goat.  Visitors place bets on the goat of their choice.  There is no 'rhyme or reason' to choosing the goat - there are not past races which mark winning or losing streak of the goat.  You place your bet on the name you believe is the most clever.  There are 7 races, ran every 30 minutes so you have more than one chance to lose money er I mean "donate" to charity.  Each race is sponsored by an organization and each race has 10 goats and jockeys.  Dear Freaks:  Do not get excited ~ there is no short man riding the goats LOL Instead there is a man behind each goat running to keep the goat on track and to "force" the goats to run.

When Goat Nads was focused on winning!

It was amazing!  Quite entertaining and I found myself with (losing) tickets in hand cheering for my goat, "Gooooooo Goat Nads!  Come on Goat Nads! You can do it!"  Goat Nads was in first and then found something of interest to his left and decided that was more interesting then my making a profit off the 5000 shillings I bet on that goat!  I blame his jockey ...

All in all it was quite an experience.  Besides the racing there are food vendors, the Savannah tent was quite lively with music, people dancing with beer in their back pockets for later.  A man in a condom suit walking around with sunglasses, children playing on moon bounces in the "kiddie area" and local dishes being served.  One of them consisted of ... goat.  It was a very nice event and if ever you are in Dar es Salaam during this event I would recommend attending!

I definitely had a "bucking" good time!