The Friendzone Myth

"What if I told you most guys friend zone themselves?" There is a current myth that women place men to whom they have no romantic or even sexual attraction to in this dating purgatory called the 'friend zone.'  While this may happen, in my experience, the men I have placed in this purgatory have many times placed themselves there with things they have or have not said, done or not done. 

Gents, there is a fine line between flirting and being inappropriate.  There is also a fine line between letting a woman know you are interested and being a stalker.  If / when you cross these lines you may drop into the bottomless friend zone pit.  Not our fault - you put yourself there.  And sadly, the odds of you finding your way out of this abyss is pretty slim.

"What did I say?!"  "What did I do?!" you may ask.  Let me provide some examples which may provide some insight:

1) We have recently met, the attraction is clear and so now we are talking on the phone, over text and email  trying to get to know each other.  One night we were talking about the latest cell phone or gadget when all of a sudden you say, "Speaking of gadgets, do you masturbate a lot?" Very inappropriate moment.  We are not there!   THANK YOU FOR VISITING.  YOU MAY NOW POLITELY ENTER THE FRIEND ZONE - ASSOCIATE LEVEL.  On this level, we may reply with one word, to be nice.

2) We have been getting to know each other for a while, again, the attraction is clear from both parties and we start flirting.  Giggles, the "I would love to see you" comments, blushing, all quite innocent really.  Just enough to make a woman wonder - get her imagination running.  Sexy.  We hang up, I am still smiling thinking "Yes, I wonder ..." when my phone vibrates.  Oh how sweet - a message from the potential beau - maybe he is saying "good night beautiful..."  I open the message, still smiling ... and there before my innocent eyes is a photo of your penis.  WHAT IN THE DAMN?!  Unless the female initiates sexting, keep that to yourself!  Things were going so good - I thought of you as a gentleman I would like to get to know.  Now I know too much and ... THANK YOU FOR VISITING.  YOU MAY NOW POLITELY ENTER THE FRIEND ZONE - ASSOCIATE LEVEL. On this level, I will say hi to you if I see you on the street.  I will ignore all texts, calls and emails.

3) We have been talking for two weeks, quite often.  There is mutual flirting and more than once I have hinted that I would like to see you.  The conversation continues - it is light, funny, I am entertained, I am interested.  We say our goodbyes, our 'talk to you laters' and we hang up and I still do not have a date.  This is only going to happen so many times.  I am only going to show you I am interested without progress for only so long.  A month passes, still no date.  THANK YOU FOR VISITING.  YOU MAY NOW POLITELY ENTER THE FRIEND ZONE - FRIEND LEVEL.  I am not mad at you, you have done nothing to hurt or offend me.  But the message I have heard loud and clear is you want to be MY FRIEND and so I comply.

Fast Forward 30 days.

4) It has been a month since we have spoken.  I get the following text, "Hey beautiful!  I miss you.  Would you like to hang out sometime?" I reply, "Awww thanks.  I have been good and you?"  Notice I did not reply, "Yes, I would love to hang out." or "Hey, handsome, I have missed you too!"  Yeah because I dont.  You are in that abyss of the friend zone and I have not given you a second thought.  Too little, too late.  Besides, it has been 30 days.  A smart woman knows you had another chic you were interested in, that did not work out and so here you come trying to repair your ego with the woman you knew was interested.  A real woman knows she deserves better than that and does not allow you to escape the friend zone abyss you willingly jumped into.

5) We are actually JUST FRIENDS.  I do not realize you have feelings for me because you have said nothing or shown any interest through your actions.  You tell your friends how you feel and yet you have said nothing to me.  We are not in high school - MAN UP!  If you do not want to be in the friend zone then do not apply for entry!  And the worse part?  When you tell us, "You know I was in love you back in the day."  Oh really?!  Cuz I didn't know - you never told me!  Matter of fact, your best friend, who you told, I dated him.  Cuz he manned up!  Do not invite me to events in a group - FRIEND ZONE ENTRY.  Do not try to set me up with other dudes - FRIEND ZONE ENTRY.  And when you tell us how you felt back in the day, you do have a 50% chance of hearing some good news, "ME TOO!..." followed by, "I wish I had known ..." FRIEND ZONE RESIDENT.  Womp Womp

The point of this public announcement is to debunk the friend zone myth.  We do not simply place all men there - many times, men, you jump into this space.  And if you are in this friend zone, suffering as you watch me date, kiss and talk about other men, then be a man and EXIT THE ZONE!  There is no rule that you have to stay.  If being my friend is painful because I see you as nothing more, you deserve better and you will not find that while sulking in the friend zone with me.