Yes, you read correctly. But you should not be surprised. Stress kills. If you are like me, then you too are stressed by people who clearly have no idea what they are talking about but are the loudest (and the wrongest), people who do not do their job and yet seem to get promoted while the hardest working bees leave or do their job silently, stressed, dying because the "idiot" manager over you and your lazy colleague gives you the work instead of dismissing the lazy colleague. Attending meetings where managers who have no idea what is involved in the process makes decisions that cause you extra work. Or how do you feel when you find yourself repeating yourself over and over again to people who say English is their first language but then they seem to not understand anything that comes out of your mouth. And then all of a sudden all of these "big" things cause you to stress over little things in your life like the fact there is no milk but a whole bunch of cereal or when your significant other is late or traffic.
As the article said, these "idiots" add stress to your life and stress kills.
I found myself stressed and identifying with this article. I also found stressed over the "little things" and taking all of it out on William *mean girlfriend* And after a "hard" conversation with someone I have very little respect for I decided that part of his message was true: in my annoyance I communicate in a way that can be seen as aggressive and at times can be very emotional ... at work. After a good cry I decided to stop proving him right ~ as a friend would say, to learn "emotional intelligence."
The next week I signed up for a three day training in the DC Metro area for women in the workplace. Day 1 and 2 focused on "Communicating with Diplomacy" and day 3, "Managing Emotions and How to Get What You Want in the Workplace." This should be interesting. I went in with a "clean slate" expecting to perhaps learn a few tips on how not to cry in meetings and how to control outbursts when someone says something idiotic in a meeting. I learned that and more. My employer paid $500 for me to attend these workshops, but I offer you, men and women, a few tips on communicating in the workplace. Enjoy!
- Stay C.A.L.M!
- Change the things you can. If you have the power to change a process, a situation, a relationship ~ DO IT! Delaying the change means you continue to go through the same thing over nad over again which is causing you stress. Why? Change is hard but undergoing that stress can kill you ...
- Accept the things you cannot change. If you cannot change it, get over it. Animals have adapted to survive for years. Those that could not adapt, died (i.e. dinosaurs). The cockroach, for example, has adapted to change and outlived those dinosaurs. A cockroach can survive long periods of time without food, water, air and even its head. The key to its survival is the fact that it accepts the changes around it and adapts. If we cannot change something in our environment ~ don't stress it ~ adapt. And then ...
- Let it go! You cannot change it, so why stress it or dwell on it? LET IT GO! And after that ...
- Move on/forward! After you have let it go, move on. We do this at work, and even in our personal lives. We have that horrible ex from high school that at 32 years old we dwell on, carrying that baggage and allowing it to affect our present relationships. Move on! This important lesson is found in the Bible (Genesis): As the city of Sodom and Gomorrah was being destroyed, those that were found worthy of mercy were told to not look back ~ to move forward. But Lot's wife, had to look back. The Bible says she instantly became a pillar of salt. She died for her disobedience. I am not saying looking back will cause you to have a heart attack but what I am saying is that every time you look back you invite stress, past pain, past anger into your life "killing" your present happiness, productivity, relationships and your health Once you have decided to let go and move forward, just do it!
- Think of the alternative. It is not always about you! If your manager makes a decision which you think is the dumbest thing you have ever heard in yo life do not assume it is a personal attack against you or your suggestion. Instead think of other reasons as to why they may have come to that decision. What may be going on behind the scenes -- are there politics involved? Are they receiving pressure from their manager? Are they looking at the "big" picture and how it may affect the department, team or project as a whole? Think of positive reasons behind their actions versus spending the energy to make up conspiracy theories.
- Respect the position/title. If you find yourself having a hard time respecting the MAN/WOMAN in the position of manager, director, etc. Then force yourself to respect the TITLE, the POSITION. You may look at this person and see an idiotic clown but remember, this idiotic clown is in a position of power over you. I started my career in the corporate world, at the age of 17, working with retired military officers. I learned immediately that regardless of my title it is my job to make my superior look good. If he/she asks me to do something - whether it falls under my job description or not - whether I agree with the decision or not - I was to do it. My supervisor's reputation was on the line and it was my job to respect his/her position and to make sure the presentation was completed, error free, the presentation was printed, stapled, coffee was made and the conference room was ready to go. I was a consultant making $70k a year. I could have said "How dare they ask me to do this?? Isn't that what an admin is for??" But I was taught to respect the position and doing what was asked of me eliminated anger, resentment and stress in my life.
- Enter the conversation with a "clean slate". Many times when a meeting is scheduled with someone we believe is an idiot we inadvertently tense up and prepare for the negative. CLEAN SLATE! Go into each meeting with a positive attitude. We all have that person in our lives - the very mention of their name "triggers" a negative emotion. Control this trigger and force yourself to think positively and professionally.
- Know what makes them tick. There are various personality tests -- Myers-Brigg or True Colors personality tests. Knowing the personality of your manager and your colleagues will assist you in knowing how to communicate with them: what annoys them, what makes them happy, how do they work best, etc. Read the results from the COLOR test below. If you are interested in obtaining a copy, contact me. I use this "icebreaker" before every training so that before the training the team is aware of the personalities on their team and how to work with each other as an effective team:
What stresses ORANGE at work: being stuck at the desk. Redundancy. Lack of freedom, a non-negotiable imposed work structure. Reading manuals and standards of operations. Too much attention to procedure and not enough to individual performance. Keys to reducing conflict with ORANGE: allow freedom of movement. Allow individual to complete tasks at their own pace. Explain the importance of the task and understanding rules behind the process. Make tasks a challenge or contest – feed into their competitive spirit.
What stresses GREEN at work: incompetency. Small talk and repetitive conversations and / or discussions without reaching a decision. An unclear picture of the process. Lack of control and dependency. Keys to reducing conflict with GREEN: provide a calm, consistent and productive work environment. Allow room for new ideas. Avoid conflicts / emotional outbreaks.
What stresses BLUE at work: broken promises and inconsistency. Talking behind their back. Not discussing what is going on prior to decision making. No room for creativity. People / morale not being a priority and lack of social interaction. Keys to reducing conflict with BLUE: be sincere and direct. Avoid repetition. Keep comments positive, allow personal interpretation. Allow individual to set their deadline. Provide constructive criticism when discussing areas of needed improvement.
What stresses GOLD at work: incomplete tasks, disorganization, people who do not follow through and waste. Keys to reducing conflict with GOLD: be consistent, keep questions clear and uncomplicated, make requests concrete and explicit and when tasks are assigned be clear about who is responsible, deadline and process to be followed.
Finally, ladies do you want to know some tricks on how to NOT cry in the office?
- Chew gum. It is impossible to chew and cry at the same time!
- Drink water. It is also impossible to drink/swallow and cry at the same time!
- Do not think "don't cry...don't cry..." because you will cry.
- Stick your jaw out and relax.
- Take deep breaths and focus on your breathing repetition. Closed mouth, deep breath in for 5 seconds, release through your mouth for 8 seconds. Do this three times.
- If you absolutely cannot help it ~ leave the room. Excuse yourself and reschedule.
Ultimately, remember to laugh, exercise, pray, get plenty of rest, limit caffeine, drink lots of water and THINK, ACT and SPEAK positive to fight stress. People are people ~ even if they make dumb decisions, say idiotic things or make us repeat ourselves ~ and they too deserve respect. So respect the idiot and live longer ~ its a win win situation!
