#100happydays

100 days ago I challenged myself to find something to appreciate in each and every day.  It did not have to be a 'big' something, simply something that made me smile that day, something that brought me personal joy.  I admit some days were harder than others.  Some days I really had to reach deep down and say "Oh in that one second today I was happy..."

I realized I know what makes me happy and simply need to do more of it!  The top five things that make me happy? -

Loving the mothers in my family!

Good times with Paul Scott and Afua

• Being with my family and friends:  I am blessed to have my family nearby so I visit them every weekend when I am home.  I have found that I prefer unwinding during a weekend with my family preferable over getting dressed up and being 'turnt up'.  Besides, not being in the streets on Saturday nights means I am at church on Sunday morning haha While I am able to sometimes stream services from my home church (depending on connectivity while on travel), there is nothing like being in the presence of, worshiping and learning with my Grace church family.  And of course, dinner, drinks and catch up with my friends is always a good time. 

  

  Keli and Dawn coming to VA to celebrate July 4th

• Getting two hour massages:  Who does not love a good massage?  And a two hour massage is even better!  Before and after long flights I take the time out for a nice 2-hour medium pressure massage.  I am a member of Massage Envy, paying $59 each month.  The $59 membership = 1 hour massage per month.  This means I pay an additional $59 on the day of my visit for the extra hour and it is worth it!  And when I am on travel I definitely take advantage of massage prices abroad (ranging between $20 - $50 for 1 hour).  Massages are not only great for relaxing but as my therapist advised they are good for overall health:  reducing or eliminating pain, improving joint mobility, improving circulation (important after long international flights), improving immune system function (important in blocking illness while traveling), reducing depression and anxiety (happy days) and reducing tension within muscles. 

  

  Massage time!

• Dancing:  If you know me then you know dancing makes me happy.  There is nothing that makes me feel happier than being on the dance floor and then leaving it in the wee hours of the morning. 
  

Fun in Cote d'Ivoire

• Experiencing culture outside of my own:  During the last 100 days I have traveled to 7 different countries (South Africa, Zambia, Dominican Republic, Cote d'Ivoire, Burundi, Holland and DRC) three of them new to me (Zambia, Burundi and DRC)!  What a blessing it has been to learn something new in each country, meet new people, see old friends in addition to enjoying food, music and experiences I would not otherwise experience in the United States.  These travels not only contributed to my professional but also to my personal growth.  My advice to everyone reading this - save your money, plan the time, obtain a passport if you do not have one and travel!  The way you view people, cultures, politics, etc. will never be the same.  Your mind will slowly begin to open and there is no way you would be willing to have it closed again. 

  

  Beach club in Burundi

  
  

  

  A day long trek in Utrecht, Holland

Smiles from Zambia

• Improving my physical health:  Good health = happiness.  This is a journey which started December 26, 2012 and is on-going.  During these 100 days I found myself looking for alternative ways to decrease stress (exercise instead of glasses of wine), making sure I sleep at least 6 hours a night (if jet lag is not an issue), trying different physical activities (hikes, barre classes and longer bouts of cardio) as well as cooking more often when I am home.  These small changes have allowed me to see changes in a positive way with pounds and inches lost.  If my nutritionist has his way I have 20 - 25 more pounds to lose (he keeps moving the goal post hmm).  I am not looking to weigh or look the same as I did when I was 18 but I am looking to be happier in how I FEEL physically.  Looking better in my clothes is also a bonus! 
  

Today I completed the challenge and I learned that I OWN my happiness.  I need to do something, see someone, say something each and every day that brings me inner joy, makes ME smile.  I also learned to take care of myself spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.  This sometimes meant saying "no" to others, having to sometimes skip an event, a meeting at work or a trip to make time for what was important to me.  Find my "me time", not over extend myself at the cost of my health and happiness, take the time to think about what makes me happy.  True friends understood and work will always be there. If you have not taken on this challenge, I suggest you do.  Hopefully, this blog entry and some of the photos will be an inspiration.  A very special, happy thank you to each and every person that brought a smile to my face during these #100happydays. 

Some of many smiles captured during my #100happydays challenge

Control Issues

Since I was promoted in July of last year I have constantly been losing sleep because I stress /dream about work.  And not just about what I do day to day but thinking about meetings I attended, decisions that were made, emails that were sent and then planning for the worst case scenario/outcome of these scenarios and then trying to resolve that scenario...that has only happened on my mind...in my dream. A month ago was another night I lost sleep over something that hasn't happened but I spent the night tossing and turning about what if the worse happens, what if my boss overturns my decision, what if my boss is disappointed with  my actions - what would I do, just in case...  The next morning I had a conversation with my sane colleague/friend about those thoughts / dreams and about how much anxiety they cause me. She suggested I figure out WHY I'm trying to be in control all the time (cue Janet Jackson).  These scenarios haven't happened in REALITY...may never happen and yet I'm trying to control the outcome "just in case". Why do I need to be on control?  Don't I realize that I wouldn't have been promoted had I not demonstrated the ability to do this job? That everyone is not going to be my biggest fan or always agree with me but to deal with that when it comes not IF it MAY come. She's right (she's the sane one) - it takes more energy to resolve a 'what if' issue in my mind than to deal with it when it actually happens. Why stress about something that hasn't even happened? My response has always been "preparing for worse case scenario..." but as a child of God, who has been blessed many times over, why am I even preparing for such a scenario? Every professional bump I've experienced or hurdle I've had to jump has prepared me for bigger and better. Those things were God preparing me for the next level on my career. And then in the shower, hours later after the conversation, I was listening to Moving Forward by Israel and the New Breed and it HIT me. It hit me so hard all I could do was weep. I have not moved forward. I've allowed situations in my personal life to affect me this way. I'm trying to control these professional 'what if scenarios' because I cannot control my emotions, the emotions of others, my love life...

... you see I'm THAT woman that wears her heart on her sleeve.  Over and over again.  I seem to never learn.  I keep saying "Love as though you have never been hurt ... love as though you have never been hurt."  But that is an idiotic slogan that some pseudo super woman made up.  Loving as though you have never been hurt is not learning from what hurt you in the past - it is not using wisdom.  Proverbs 4:6 says "Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you."  I have completely lost control of my love life because I have not been using wisdom.  I have not been selective.  Why have I not been selective?  Oh because there is that other ridiculous notion of "You never know who God put on this Earth for you so be open!"  Proverbs 4:23 states, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  A guarded heart is NOT an open heart.  It does not remain open in hopes of just any and everybody walkin' on in.  No.  It is guarded because it is selective on who enters.  My heart has not been an "only for the super exclusive clientele" guarded heart.  Especially since I do  not believe God put one person on this Earth for us.  Throughout the Bible God gives us / man choices.  We need to use the wisdom that God instructed us to use to be selective. Select the mate that would be approved by God - a man that deserves a tour of the guarded heart.  Every man that approaches me with a smile, a home church and a promise of good intentions does not need to receive my number, time or attention.  I have come to realize that if I had been more selective in the past I would have been able to truly control the amount of times I have experienced hurt, "Extra emotional baggage, please!" The old saying "Follow your gut" - of this I am a fan.  I believe the 'gut' our mothers and grandmothers are referring to is our Spirit.  It is the core of wisdom nagging us to say "no no move on -- dont do it -- leave it alone!"  I have said it before and I will say it again, attention from everyone is not healthy.  I have truly found that "rejection is sometimes God's protection."  Stop looking back - stop hoping a bad situation will get better - move on.  Yes rejection hurts but a broken heart along with knowing you have wasted time with the wrong person is a pain that lingers and is stored in a piece of that emotional baggage.  I have sought control in other areas of my life because I have lost control in this area.  And yet when I 'let go and let God' in my career, my job not only became a career but it became the career in which I only dreamed:  to travel around the world offering education.  My dream was so small as my dream was confined to South and Central America.  God blew that up and now I have seen places in Africa, Asia and Europe.  I have finally, FINALLY come to realize that it is time I 'let go and let God' take care of my love life.  Relax Phoebe - allow God to guard your heart.  He will let me know when its time to open it and allow a worthy man on a tour.

Move forward - without the baggage.  It is easier to 'see' what is ahead of you when you are not looking back ... So here is ya'lls EVICTION NOTICE! Men who have hurt me - you are no longer allowed to stay in my heart and/or mind.  The need to 'control' ...that is something I will have to pray about and work on but thank God for His wisdom and putting it on my heart through the advice and kind words of a friend.  #invaluable.

30 is NOT the new 20 ... its just 30

At the end of this month I will be 34 years old.  And recently I was reminded that I am on the brink of not only 34 but being MID-THIRTIES! 

The fateful evening started classy enough with a holiday party hosted by one of the managing partners - JSI.  Now JSI is infamous for it's mid-20s personnel and there have been now infamous holiday party moments which remind us of this fact.  The main culprit is the open bar.  My personal favorite past moment is of a young IT nerd enjoying a personal lap dance, in public, against the ballroom window by a gorgeous Indian woman dressed elegantly in a beautiful sari.  But do not judge for this openly affectionate couple is now married.  My favorite moment from the party this year is of the Illustrious Project Director announcing that "...if you have made a new friend or are accompanied by an old friend, rooms are at a special rate for $89!"  I digress.

This year the party started off classy enough - light hor d'oeuvres, soft music, open bar.  It slid from classy to kinda classy an hour later when the carving station, mashed potato and pasta bar opened.  Background music - latin mix of salsa, merengue and bachata (getting to be my kinda party!).  The lines were quite long and people were using their personal connections to jump the line, plate in hand.  Bar, still open.  Once everyone enjoyed their dinner the party slid from kinda classy toward trashy as the lights went completely off over the dance floor and the DJ initiated line dances such as Cupid Slide and the Wobble.  Open bar.  Then it happened.  Open bar was to end in 15 minutes.  All the way trashy as people made a mad dash to the bar and returned with 2 - 3 drinks in hand.   What they could not carry, their non-drinking colleague carried for them.  It was during this time that I realized I had 3 glasses of red wine in front of me ... for a second time that night.  How did this happen?  Moving on ...

I attempted to dance my way sober ~ sweatin' it out to the latin mix, Wobblin' my way to sobriety.  When all of a sudden a suggestion:  let's keep the party going!  I look around to see the origin of this suggestion.  A 23-year old gent on the project.  He is wearing a v-neck sweater over what I am sure is a Brooks Brothers dress shirt and is an employee of Booz Allen.  Surely he is classy.  Safe.  No way could this get any trashier.  I was wrong.  Oh so wrong.

We piled into his also classy looking pal's BMW to make our way to an obvious bachelor pad in Adams Morgan.  I immediately spotted a 1000-piece puzzle on the dining room table as our 23-year old host offers a fine rum with ice and a dash of coke.  It was smooth and delicious.  Good rum, a puzzle on the table - oh yeah this is gonna be safe.  Classy.  Again, wrong.  Now in his habitat the 23-year old gent takes off his sweater and pulls out a poison of which I am not familiar:  Fireball Whiskey.  And suggests a game of which I am also not familiar as a Black woman:  Darts.  I thought "whats the harm?"  I slip off my blue suede wedges, take a chilled shot of this Fireball Whiskey (which tastes EXACTLY like the fireball jawbreaker I enjoyed in my youth...) and grab three darts and listen attentively to the rules.  I do ok (though I am sure there are quite a few dart holes in the wall surrounding the board -- oops -- but in my defense, it was my first time) but SOMEHOW two more shots of this Fireball Whiskey finds its way in my hand.  In my mouth.  In my body.  Coursing through my 33-year old system.  AND THEN a suggestion to walk to a local bar to dance.  Great!  Dance it off.  I still have time to class it up ... a little bit.

Wrong.

We get to the bar and the unassuming 23-year old Brooks Brothers wearing gent reminds us that he is celebrating a promotion.  What does "celebrating" mean to a 23-year old?  Shots.  So now I have a 'Washington Apple' shot in my hand and a rum / coke in another toasting his fortune.  Let's just say not long after the toast I find myself dancing and singing (loudly) to Taylor Swift.  Yes.  Taylor Swift.  Also in her 20s.  Ironic.  Appropriate.  All the way trashy.  Now it is at this moment that the 23-year old gent looks at me and says "I'm going home and going to sleep..." HUH?!  Where is that youthful energy?  I've been set up.  Bamboozled.  Drunk.

What is the lesson?  30 is NOT the new 20 ... its just 30.  Yo ass is old and you need to remember that your body cannot handle the same things a 20 year old can handle!  The next day I was hungover until 3pm.  I'm sure that 23-year old jumped up and probably went out for a nice run, stopping at a delightful brunch spot in DC.  I made chili.  In a crock pot.  Sleeping as it simmered.  30+ year olds need to know your poison and STICK TO IT!  Do not attempt to be adventurous and drink what a 23-year old has on hand.  Stick to what you know.  Stick to what your old ass body knows.  Your organs have been processing poisons for much longer than a 23-year olds' body.  S/He is both externally AND internally younger than you!  If they do not have your particular 'safe' poison (Sailor Jerry rum or Bombay Sapphire gin for me) then politely decline and ask for juice, coconut water or carbonated beverage.  By NO MEANS experiment.  By NO MEANS take shots!  Don't let LMFAO or Pink encourage you to jump around and see how many shots you can consume during their song.  Don't do it.  You will be sorry.  Reminisce on the good times - the times you could drink anything and wake up feeling 100% - your 20s.  But now its time to be realistic.  Its time you act and drink like your age.  Otherwise you will be hungover for 12 hours, promising Jesus you will never drink again if only the hangover will go away, looking forward to turkey chili.  #lessonlearned #I'm33

HAPPY New Year

As we begin a new year many of us will make new years resolutions:  lose weight, be happier/stress less, save more money, look for love or strengthen the relationship we are in. 
Normally I do not make resolutions as I know myself and these resolutions will last the first quarter of the new year.  Especially since I travel so much for work.  But change gon' come in 2013!

2012 was surely a year of INCREASE for me!  In 2012 my income increased with a new promotion.  I increased my worldly knowledge by going to three new countries:  Rwanda, Botswana and Jamaica! I increased my living space by getting rid of clothes and knick knacks I do not wear/use.  I increased my tech knowledge with a new phone and car with all kinds of bells and whistles.  I increased my personal finance knowledge by running my credit report, ensuring anything past due was paid immediately and laying out a budget which covers expenses, savings and "fun" money for 2013.  I increased my personal happiness by dancing more, as well as spending a ton of quality time with my family and friends.  I increased my Bible knowledge and spiritual relationship with God by adding daily Bible study to my routine.  God was more than generous!  However, even with such blessings and increases, I did experience some negative gains:  in stress and weight.  With averaging 220 hours a month and 80% travel - work sucked a lot of energy from my very being.  Do not misunderstand me, I love my job!  But the reality is I'm balancing two positions - my last position and my current - and the stress has lead to skipping meals, sleeping less than 6 hours a night and eating out (no time to cook).  Then my personal life was another source of stress.  As I'm not even in the mood to go into details, being unhappy in a relationship caused more than just screams and tears but also stuffing Godiva in my face.  Ultimately the stress and Godiva led to an increase in weight - 23lbs.  23lbs.  Thankfully most of that went into the already big booty, hips and thighs and even though I have never lacked male attention I hate how it looks on me. 

All of this being said, my only resolution for the new year is to be happy.  Truly a HAPPY new year.  Happiness which radiates from the inside out.  To achieve this I need to be healthier - emotionally and physically.  I do not believe huge, drastic changes need to be made but changes do need to be made in my professional and personal life.

Professional:  while I love my job, I need to ensure I have personal time to enjoy my space, my loved ones and even learn how to 'date' myself.  This means working 40 hours a week / 160 hours a month.  Period. 

Personal:  this year I will be 34 years old.  Yup, single and no kids 34.  But that's ok.  I have learned that being unhappy with someone is unhealthy.  I have learned to be ok with being single and the importance of dating myself.  What makes me happy?    In the last 6 months since I have been single I have laughed more, danced until I was soaking wet, confided more in God, organized my living space and finances and let me tell you, the peace that I feel is absolutely priceless.  I have also learned to say no.  Just because HE is interested doesn't mean I need to be.  If I'm not "feeling it" for whatever initial reason, I politely decline the invitation and walk away. I have recognized that in the past I have accepted invitations just because I did not like being in the house alone or the thought of "I'm 33, I need to find someone!" or maybe because I was feeling low and liked the attention. In the end this also drained me of valuable energy which I plan to keep and 'spend' with someone I'm truly interested in.

Health:  part of being happy also means being healthier physically.  In 2012 two very important people were diagnosed with Type II diabetes, my father and his sister.  Seeing my father in the hospital, sick was a quick reality check.  My dad and I are one in the same - we love the taste of good food.  We hum when we taste something delicious, tap our foot, nod our head...everyone around us will know there is a culinary party in our mouth!  But there needs to be control and balance.  And my goal will be to lose that 23lbs which will hopefully inspire my dad and aunt to live healthier lives.  Besides, I need my daddy around ~ I still expect to be walked down the aisle some day *wink* 

So here is to a HAPPY 2013.  I pray the same for every single one of you.
XOXO

Health Tips from a Fattie

Every year when the clock strikes 12a on New Years Eve every one swears they are going to do better - get healthier. For some that is joining the gym while for others its adding a day each week to their current routine.

For me, this year, health hit too close to home.  On December 27 my daddy collapsed and went to the hospital.  His blood pressure was through the roof, his sugar levels were almost 10x the normal count.  My stubborn father also had not seen a doctor since the early 80s.  He is infamous for saying, "Once they diagnose you that is when you start dying."  I shake my head.   Having my yearly exams are my #1 priority.  I do not care how management, my family and / or friends feel about this.  My health is my priority!  Mom was a constant nag about him going to the doctor and the dentist.  Since my dad is a wee bit vain, the dentist was an easy sell since everyone sees your teeth but since nobody can see what is going on inside, he neglected to go.  And now he was forced to go.  Now he is on blood pressure medication and has a new daily routine as a Type 2 diabetic.  We are all just thankful that he simply "collapsed" and not "collapsed into a diabetic coma" or have a stroke, both of which were a reality that we thank God we did not have to face.

I decided this year to not do "resolutions" but to "resolve" issues that plagued my health in 2011.  #1 was stress.  Not only to eliminate things that caused stress but to release stress through living healthier and doing something that makes me happy every single day.  Now, for those who know me, they know I abhor the gym.  In my area is its the #1 cheesiest pick up spot and it disgusts me.  In the past I maintained my weight and health by dancing (bachata, mergengue, salsa and sometimes zouk) 4 - 5 times a week.  Well now that I am "boo-ed up" and boo don't dance I have to find other ways to stay healthy and increase my efforts to avoid the same diseases that have afflicted my maternal grandmother, paternal aunt and daddy. 

They say the trick is to not do anything extreme and to make your new routine, just that, a routine, something you can do daily that you enjoy.  So I have come up with my personal list of things I have added into my daily routine since January 2.  And yes we are only three days in but these things are so easy and I truly enjoy them so I can see them being part of my general lifestyle.  If you are like me and love food, hate the gym and looking for things that are convenient then you are going to LOVE this list!  Enjoy!

#1:  Adding two squares of Ghirardelli "Intense Dark" chocolate to my life!  Everyone has heard that dark chocolate (70% or more cacao) is good for you but do you know WHY?  Let me tell you my fellow fatties why it is good for you:  1) the endorphins!  This is the same chemical that are released during exercise, sex, when falling in love ... in other words, general happy chemical for the brain.  Happy = healthy.  2) ONE serving of dark chocolate has MORE antioxidants than blueberries, cranberries, green tea and wine!  So when these fruits are out of season or its too cold to drink tea ~ grab some dark chocolate! *I would venture to suggest drinking that serving of dark chocolate with a nice, full bodied red wine LOL* Dark chocolate is also awesome for your 3) heart and 4) contributes to managing your blood sugar levels (I have made daddy add this power food to his daily diet). 5) Finally research suggests that one serving of this bittersweet delight provides similar health benefits found in 30 minutes of jogging!  Not only that, if eaten before a workout, performance is boosted!  So all you gym rates, nibble on some dark chocolate and boost that performance!  All you couch potatoes, nibble on some chocolate and envision being at the gym LOL

References:  http://www.allchocolate.com/health/basics/

References: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-12-07/diet/30159747_1_dark-chocolate-epicatechin-muscle

#2:  Dance! Dance! Dance!  I may not be able to continue going out 4 - 5 times a week but I plan to keep a regular dance night during the week.  Why?  Salsa, ladies, is an aerobic exercise that if done regularly trims downs those hips and pumps up those gluts!  Hello Miss New Booty!  Not to mention, it is a calorie burner like no other!  Again, I hate the gym and most of all the boring, snooze-a-licious treadmill but salsa...oh I can do that ALL NIGHT LONG!  And good thing too because here are the numbers put out by fitness experts:  (varies by intensity, weight and gender) in one hour of dancing, a 100lb dancer will burn 264 calories, a 150lb dancer will burn 396 calories, a 175lb dancer will burn 462 calories and a 200lb dancer will burn 528 calories.  And the good news for me is the same is true for la bachata ... Sweet!  My fat ass is burnin' up some calories while burnin' up the dance floor! I am not at the gym AND I do not feel as though I am exercising!  I am laughing and having a great time!  I definitely burned my share of calories in the wee morning of January 1 dancing it out with the boo and the band for which he plays!  Finally, just as in working those weights or eating that chocolate, dancing release endorphins.  Happy = healthy! *PSA:  to experience full fitness effects avoid drinking copious amounts of beer and mixed drinks while dancing.  To burn maximum amount of calories, drink water*

Reference: http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/fitness/cardio/the-aerobic-and-anaerobic-benefits-of-salsa-dance.html

#3:  Wine Down!  Red wine, sipping it slowly after a long day, relaxes me.  A relaxed me is a less stressed me and less stress is healthy.  Healthy = happy.  But what do scientists say?  "A glass of Cabernet Sauvignon a day, keeps the doctor away."  The key is the nutrients found in the skin and seeds of the red grapes used to make the wine.  These antioxidants work to benefit your body in three key ways:  1)  reduces the production of LDL (low density lipoprotein) or the "bad" cholesterol, 2) boots HDL (high density lipoprotein) or the "good cholesterol" and finally 3) reduces blood clotting.  The last one is huge for me as flying increases the risk of blood clots.  So I make sure to drink a bottle (ok ok or two) of Cabernet Sauvignon on each flight to Africa!  And guess what fellow bloggers, red wine is on sale at Giant grocery stores this week.  I stocked up on my Cabernet Sauvignon last night!  Banrock, Australia is on sale 2/$10 ~ can't beat those prices.  It's a great investment price for your priceless health.  Raise your glass with me every night!  Here's to our health!  *PSA:  drinking the entire bottle in one night does NOT increase health benefits and makes you an alcoholic LOL*

Reference: http://www.ynhh.org/about-us/red_wine.aspx

#4:  Sweat it out 30 minutes a day!  I hate the gym, remember? And I love to sleep.  But I also love myself and my daddy.  So every morning I wake up and work out 30 minutes.  Even if it just a 30 minute bike ride, brisk walk around the neighborhood, 30 minutes of Just Dance on your Wii or a 30 minute workout video, studies show that taking 30 minutes out of each 24 hour day can yield HUGE health benefits!  The ones that were important to me, of course were 1) lowering blood pressure and 2) lowering blood sugar.  Both of these can greatly increase the health of my daddy and in a year studies suggest it is possible he may have both under control and off of a lot of the medication he is currently on.  Other benefits include:  1) strengthening the immune system and improve circulation, both of which are important to me as a frequent flier!  Sneezing and coughing in small spaces, sitting down for hours at a time as I cross the ocean ~ both of these are my reality.  Poor circulation can increase my risk of blood clots and who wants to be sick all the time? and 2) helps reduce stress and boost moods.  Hello endorphins!  Hello happy Phoebe in the office!

Reference:  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080104123421.htm 

#5:  Spa Day!  I am a huge supporter of the monthly two hour massage.  If I had the money and time I would go twice a month for two hours.  Medical experts say that over 90% of illness/diseases are stress related!  Massages not only reduce stress but also have other health benefits!  To name a few health benefits:  enhances immunity system, improves joint flexibility, *fattie alert* promotes tissue regeneration which helps reduce scar tissue and STRETCH MARKS, improves circulation (hello energy, bye bye blood clots), reduces cramping (PMS HUH?) and hello endorphins!  You may think you cannot afford a monthly massage, but with the help of Massage Envy (http://www.massageenvy.com/), you can!  Every month they take $60 from my account.  This $60 pays for my $20 membership fee and $40 towards a one hour massage.  To make this a 2 hour massage, when I visit I simply walk in with an extra $49 in my pocket.  And let's face it, $89 for a two hour massage ain't bad!  Not to mention, it is your health we are talking about and that is priceless! 

Reference: http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/03/08/healthmag.massage/ 

#6:  Laugh more!  Turning that frown upside down = a healthier you.  We know the basic health benefits of laughter:  reduces stress, produces endorphins and antibodies for a healthier, happier person. But did you know that a hearty 10 - 15 minute laugh can burn up to 50 calories!  A 2-hour movie that may keep you laughing for half of that is 300 calories outta there (hmm I guess if you skip the concession stand OR it reduces the calorie intake of what you ate so that 1000 calorie popcorn is now only worth 700 calories *sweet!*)  It has been also found that 10 minutes of a good gaffaw is worth TWO HOURS of peaceful sleep!  And finally, a hearty haha helps reduce blood sugars!  My dad is a huge Sherlock Holmes and Perry Mason buff but guess who will be stocking up on comedies this year if I have anything to do with it!  

Reference:  http://women.webmd.com/guide/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter

You may find the title of this blog ironic but at 200+lbs I am probably one of the healthiest fatties you know (outside of my damn allergies)! My blood pressure and sugar levels are consistently normal, no issues with the heart and lungs, healthy gums and teeth and I can dance ALL NIGHT LONG.  Dance sweat makes me happy!  I am by no means using this as crutch and am continuously looking to improve my health to ensure I remain healthier as I creep slowly to my mid 30s.  My point is to show you that you may never be "skinny" so focus on being healthy, inside and out.  My paternal grandmother, according to her doctor is 50+lbs overweight, considered obese and is a recovered alcoholic who abused alcohol for over half her lifetime.  And yet grandma walks around the neighborhood to visit her friends, visits her out of town friends for weekend or week long getaways to just "enjoy life", laughs at old movies and gets 8 hours of sleep.  Unlike her son, she is not a diabetic; no cirrhosis of the liver; no kidney failures.  It really is the small things that make a big difference.  After you have laughed at some of my comments, find out what the small things are for YOU to make you a healthier you in 2012 and for many, many years to come.  Each day is a new opportunity for you to simply enjoy your day for a healthier tomorrow:  eat chocolate, dance, laugh, get a massage, take a walk and enjoy your environment.  They sound fun and relaxing yet these small fun things increase endorphins (word of the day), contain antioxidants, reduce blood sugars and bad cholesterol.  Add these into your daily routine, over time increase your activity, improve your diet by adding good things, eat the naughty things in moderation and love your life like a true fattie. 

Don't let the "Idiot" kill you!

Yes, you read correctly.  But you should not be surprised.  Stress kills.  If you are like me, then you too are stressed by people who clearly have no idea what they are talking about but are the loudest (and the wrongest), people who do not do their job and yet seem to get promoted while the hardest working bees leave or do their job silently, stressed, dying because the "idiot" manager over you and your lazy colleague gives you the work instead of dismissing the lazy colleague.  Attending meetings where managers who have no idea what is involved in the process makes decisions that cause you extra work.  Or how do you feel when you find yourself repeating yourself over and over again to people who say English is their first language but then they seem to not understand anything that comes out of your mouth.  And then all of a sudden all of these "big" things cause you to stress over little things in your life like the fact there is no milk but a whole bunch of cereal or when your significant other is late or traffic.  

As the article said, these "idiots" add stress to your life and stress kills.

I found myself stressed and identifying with this article.  I also found stressed over the "little things" and taking all of it out on William *mean girlfriend*  And after a "hard" conversation with someone I have very little respect for I decided that part of his message was true:  in my annoyance I communicate in a way that can be seen as aggressive and at times can be very emotional ... at work.  After a good cry I decided to stop proving him right ~ as a friend would say, to learn "emotional intelligence."  

The next week I signed up for a three day training in the DC Metro area for women in the workplace.  Day 1 and 2 focused on "Communicating with Diplomacy" and day 3, "Managing Emotions and How to Get What You Want in the Workplace."  This should be interesting.  I went in with a "clean slate" expecting to perhaps learn a few tips on how not to cry in meetings and how to control outbursts when someone says something idiotic in a meeting.  I learned that and more.  My employer paid $500 for me to attend these workshops, but I offer you, men and women, a few tips on communicating in the workplace.  Enjoy!

1. Stay C.A.L.M!
1. Change the things you can.  If you have the power to change a process, a situation, a relationship ~ DO IT!  Delaying the change means you continue to go through the same thing over nad over again which is causing you stress.  Why?  Change is hard but undergoing that stress can kill you ...
2.  Accept the things you cannot change.  If you cannot change it, get over it.  Animals have adapted to survive for years.  Those that could not adapt, died (i.e. dinosaurs).  The cockroach, for example, has adapted to change and outlived those dinosaurs.  A cockroach can survive long periods of time without food, water, air and even its head.  The key to its survival is the fact that it accepts the changes around it and adapts.  If we cannot change something in our environment ~ don't stress it ~ adapt. And then ...
3. Let it go!  You cannot change it, so why stress it or dwell on it?  LET IT GO!  And after that ...
4. Move on/forward!  After you have let it go, move on.  We do this at work, and even in our personal lives.  We have that horrible ex from high school that at 32 years old we dwell on, carrying that baggage and allowing it to affect our present relationships.  Move on!  This important lesson is found in the Bible (Genesis):  As the city of Sodom and Gomorrah was being destroyed, those that were found worthy of mercy were told to not look back ~ to move forward.  But Lot's wife, had to look back.  The Bible says she instantly became a pillar of salt.  She died for her disobedience.  I am not saying looking back will cause you to have a heart attack but what I am saying is that every time you look back you invite stress, past pain, past anger into your life "killing" your present happiness, productivity, relationships and your health  Once you have decided to let go and move forward, just do it!
2. Think of the alternative.   It is not always about you! If your manager makes a decision which you think is the dumbest thing you have ever heard in yo life do not assume it is a personal attack against you or your suggestion.  Instead think of other reasons as to why they may have come to that decision.  What may be going on behind the scenes -- are there politics involved?  Are they receiving pressure from their manager?  Are they looking at the "big" picture and how it may affect the department, team or project as a whole?  Think of positive reasons behind their actions versus spending the energy to make up conspiracy theories.
3. Respect the position/title.  If you find yourself having a hard time respecting the MAN/WOMAN in the position of manager, director, etc.  Then force yourself to respect the TITLE, the POSITION.  You may look at this person and see an idiotic clown but remember, this idiotic clown is in a position of power over you.  I started my career in the corporate world, at the age of 17, working with retired military officers.  I learned immediately that regardless of my title it is my job to make my superior look good.  If he/she asks me to do something - whether it falls under my job description or not - whether I agree with the decision or not - I was to do it.  My supervisor's reputation was on the line and it was my job to respect his/her position and to make sure the presentation was completed, error free, the presentation was printed, stapled, coffee was made and the conference room was ready to go.  I was a consultant making $70k a year.  I could have said "How dare they ask me to do this?? Isn't that what an admin is for??"  But I was taught to respect the position and doing what was asked of me eliminated anger, resentment and stress in my life.
4. Enter the conversation with a "clean slate".  Many times when a meeting is scheduled with someone we believe is an idiot we inadvertently tense up and prepare for the negative.  CLEAN SLATE!  Go into each meeting with a positive attitude.  We all have that person in our lives - the very mention of their name "triggers" a negative emotion.  Control this trigger and force yourself to think positively and professionally.
   
5. Know what makes them tick.  There are various personality tests -- Myers-Brigg or True Colors personality tests.  Knowing the personality of your manager and your colleagues will assist you in knowing how to communicate with them:  what annoys them, what makes them happy, how do they work best, etc.  Read the results from the COLOR test below.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, contact me.  I use this "icebreaker" before every training so that before the training the team is aware of the personalities on their team and how to work with each other as an effective team:  

What stresses ORANGE at work:  being stuck at the desk.  Redundancy.  Lack of freedom, a non-negotiable imposed work structure.  Reading manuals and standards of operations.  Too much attention to procedure and not enough to individual performance.  Keys to reducing conflict with ORANGE:  allow freedom of movement.  Allow individual to complete tasks at their own pace.  Explain the importance of the task and understanding rules behind the process.  Make tasks a challenge or contest – feed into their competitive spirit. 

What stresses GREEN at work:   incompetency.  Small talk and repetitive conversations and / or discussions without reaching a decision.  An unclear picture of the process. Lack of control and dependency.  Keys to reducing conflict with GREEN:  provide a calm, consistent and productive work environment.  Allow room for new ideas.  Avoid conflicts / emotional outbreaks. 

 

What stresses BLUE at work:  broken promises and inconsistency.  Talking behind their back.  Not discussing what is going on prior to decision making.  No room for creativity.  People / morale not being a priority and lack of social interaction.  Keys to reducing conflict with BLUE:  be sincere and direct.  Avoid repetition.  Keep comments positive, allow personal interpretation.  Allow individual to set their deadline.  Provide constructive criticism when discussing areas of needed improvement.

  

What stresses GOLD at work:  incomplete tasks, disorganization, people who do not follow through and waste.  Keys to reducing conflict with GOLD:  be consistent, keep questions clear and uncomplicated, make requests concrete and explicit and when tasks are assigned be clear about who is responsible, deadline and process to be followed.

Finally, ladies do you want to know some tricks on how to NOT cry in the office?

1. Chew gum.  It is impossible to chew and cry at the same time!
2. Drink water.  It is also impossible to drink/swallow and cry at the same time!
3. Do not think "don't cry...don't cry..." because you will cry.
4. Stick your jaw out and relax.  
5. Take deep breaths and focus on your breathing repetition.  Closed mouth, deep breath in for 5 seconds, release through your mouth for 8 seconds.  Do this three times.
6. If you absolutely cannot help it ~ leave the room.  Excuse yourself and reschedule.

Ultimately, remember to laugh, exercise, pray, get plenty of rest, limit caffeine, drink lots of water and THINK, ACT and SPEAK positive to fight stress.  People are people ~ even if they make dumb decisions, say idiotic things or make us repeat ourselves ~ and they too deserve respect.  So respect the idiot and live longer ~ its a win win situation!