#100happydays

100 days ago I challenged myself to find something to appreciate in each and every day.  It did not have to be a 'big' something, simply something that made me smile that day, something that brought me personal joy.  I admit some days were harder than others.  Some days I really had to reach deep down and say "Oh in that one second today I was happy..."

I realized I know what makes me happy and simply need to do more of it!  The top five things that make me happy? -

Loving the mothers in my family!

Good times with Paul Scott and Afua

• Being with my family and friends:  I am blessed to have my family nearby so I visit them every weekend when I am home.  I have found that I prefer unwinding during a weekend with my family preferable over getting dressed up and being 'turnt up'.  Besides, not being in the streets on Saturday nights means I am at church on Sunday morning haha While I am able to sometimes stream services from my home church (depending on connectivity while on travel), there is nothing like being in the presence of, worshiping and learning with my Grace church family.  And of course, dinner, drinks and catch up with my friends is always a good time. 

  

  Keli and Dawn coming to VA to celebrate July 4th

• Getting two hour massages:  Who does not love a good massage?  And a two hour massage is even better!  Before and after long flights I take the time out for a nice 2-hour medium pressure massage.  I am a member of Massage Envy, paying $59 each month.  The $59 membership = 1 hour massage per month.  This means I pay an additional $59 on the day of my visit for the extra hour and it is worth it!  And when I am on travel I definitely take advantage of massage prices abroad (ranging between $20 - $50 for 1 hour).  Massages are not only great for relaxing but as my therapist advised they are good for overall health:  reducing or eliminating pain, improving joint mobility, improving circulation (important after long international flights), improving immune system function (important in blocking illness while traveling), reducing depression and anxiety (happy days) and reducing tension within muscles. 

  

  Massage time!

• Dancing:  If you know me then you know dancing makes me happy.  There is nothing that makes me feel happier than being on the dance floor and then leaving it in the wee hours of the morning. 
  

Fun in Cote d'Ivoire

• Experiencing culture outside of my own:  During the last 100 days I have traveled to 7 different countries (South Africa, Zambia, Dominican Republic, Cote d'Ivoire, Burundi, Holland and DRC) three of them new to me (Zambia, Burundi and DRC)!  What a blessing it has been to learn something new in each country, meet new people, see old friends in addition to enjoying food, music and experiences I would not otherwise experience in the United States.  These travels not only contributed to my professional but also to my personal growth.  My advice to everyone reading this - save your money, plan the time, obtain a passport if you do not have one and travel!  The way you view people, cultures, politics, etc. will never be the same.  Your mind will slowly begin to open and there is no way you would be willing to have it closed again. 

  

  Beach club in Burundi

  
  

  

  A day long trek in Utrecht, Holland

Smiles from Zambia

• Improving my physical health:  Good health = happiness.  This is a journey which started December 26, 2012 and is on-going.  During these 100 days I found myself looking for alternative ways to decrease stress (exercise instead of glasses of wine), making sure I sleep at least 6 hours a night (if jet lag is not an issue), trying different physical activities (hikes, barre classes and longer bouts of cardio) as well as cooking more often when I am home.  These small changes have allowed me to see changes in a positive way with pounds and inches lost.  If my nutritionist has his way I have 20 - 25 more pounds to lose (he keeps moving the goal post hmm).  I am not looking to weigh or look the same as I did when I was 18 but I am looking to be happier in how I FEEL physically.  Looking better in my clothes is also a bonus! 
  

Today I completed the challenge and I learned that I OWN my happiness.  I need to do something, see someone, say something each and every day that brings me inner joy, makes ME smile.  I also learned to take care of myself spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.  This sometimes meant saying "no" to others, having to sometimes skip an event, a meeting at work or a trip to make time for what was important to me.  Find my "me time", not over extend myself at the cost of my health and happiness, take the time to think about what makes me happy.  True friends understood and work will always be there. If you have not taken on this challenge, I suggest you do.  Hopefully, this blog entry and some of the photos will be an inspiration.  A very special, happy thank you to each and every person that brought a smile to my face during these #100happydays. 

Some of many smiles captured during my #100happydays challenge

Whole Foods is not a restaurant ...

MEN:  as we are in the midst of a bad economy, it is understandable that you want to impress your boo on a budget.  This being said, please let it be an appropriate suggestion.  When pondering, "Well, what is appropriate?"  This varies.  But the things you need to keep in mind:

1. Age of the woman.  A professional woman in her 30s is not going to want to club hop in the 18+ club ...even if drinks are free for the ladies til midnight.  She is going to be drunk for free and then annoyed at her surroundings and the music.  Perhaps suggest a 21+ lounge or a restaurant with live jazz.
2. Length of the relationship.  It is your first date, do NOT suggest a strip club (DISCLAIMER:  this rule may  not apply if you live in Atlanta but please make it a nicer Gentleman's Club and not something reminiscent of 559 *gracias*).
3. Where you see the relationship going.  If this is a woman you can see as your wife or in the long term, please do not suggest hanging over your boys house to watch the game.  #1 you are hatin' on yourself.  How you ask?  DUH!  She's the only female, she is hot, smart and down to watch football in her favorite team's jersey and tight jeans.  Every time she gets up to get a beer trust one of your boys is up faster than you are to assist her ... classic clown mistake.  Keep your girl to yourself if you like her!  On the flip side, if you only see this as a short term "gig" then taking her to the family Thanksgiving dinner .. INAPPROPRIATE.  

"He suggested what??" MEN, do not make the same mistakes of the CLOWNS before you:

• Suggestion:  "Let's go to Whole Foods for dinner."  This was told to me by a friend and I was in shock.  WTF did he mean by "...for dinner?"  Did this mean he wanted her input on groceries and he was going to cook for her?  Hell no it didn't!  The clown was suggesting they eat at Whole Foods like a sit down restaurant!  In his 30s he suggested this??  Not his fault, when I read the link on their site (http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/stores/departments/prepared-foods.php) I too was convinced for ten seconds that Whole Foods was a classy place to take someone.  While I am a fan of their hot/cold food bar, their delicious desserts and refreshing organic drinks this as a date suggestion is inappropriate.  Especially a FIRST DATE suggestion.  Better yet, for ANY number of dates its inappropriate.  MEN:  Just because Whole Foods has someone to greet you at the door, chairs and tables to sit and food for sale does NOT make it a restaurant nor an appropriate date suggestion.  And any woman who gladly accepts this is desperate and will stalk you in the near future.  Asking her to accompany you as you grocery shop ... and only because you plan to make dinner for her is the only reason you should suggest going to Whole Foods as part of a romantic outing.

•  Suggestion: "Let's just stay in and watch a movie at your place."  Ah the classic "Im tryna hit tonight" move.  #1 this is an inappropriate suggestion to any woman unless you are in a monogamous relationship ... or #2 you have mutually established your relationship is "friends with benefits."  For the classy woman this suggestion, men, makes you look cheap (aka broke), like you are trying too hard to get some (aka a whore) and homeless (aka why can't we watch it at YOUR place?  Live with mom or the other chic?).  MEN:  If you are trying to make a good impression please wait for the appropriate timing in the relationship.  Another suggestion:  there are cheap movie options besides "at home".  In some parts of the country the $1 movie theater or $1 movie night still exists. Or take her somewhere free ~ a museum, a walk in the park (go to Whole Foods and grab a snack and some of those organic juices) or maybe a local monument.  The point is that the three APPROPRIATE suggestions are cheap or free and do not give the lady a bad impression.  You save face and your pennies.  Budget and reputation are maintained.

• Suggestion: "Let's go to (insert local gay bar)!  They have the best food and drinks!" HUH?  Why are you even asking me out??  Why do you know how great their food and drinks are?? You sound like a "regular".  Is this place your "Cheers"?  Does everyone know your name?  MEN:  This suggestion "outs" you, #1 and #2 let's me know my "gaydar" needs updating and cleaning.  Please move on and find you a good man.

• Suggestion: "Let's go workout together!"  Did you really just ask ME this?  OK I do not know how to even respond.  We did not meet at the gym.  I am not built like a "gym rat."  So my only conclusion is that you are trying to make sure I work out to become the type of woman you REALLY like physically.  MEN:  There is no saving you on this suggestion.  Unless you meet the woman IN the gym, the gym is a super dooper inappropriate suggestion...especially to the curvy female.

• Suggestion: "I hear there is a Black History/Slave Exhibit at the museum.  We should totally go!"  Don't you love that suggestion from a potential white beau?  They are trying to get to know your history my Black Queen .. Soul Sister .. ugh.  PSA to WHITE MEN who date BLACK WOMEN:  this suggestion is AWKWARD.  Picture it:  we go, all is well until you get to that slave exhibit.  Then you see your last name on prominent slave owners listing and photos of your great great grandaddy who was loving referred to as "Big Daddy" and you try to cover it up by leaning on it or pushing her to the next area of the museum.  But she sees it.  Then here come the justifications, such as "I would have never owned a slave!", "I am disgusted at what my family did to your people" or "I would have been right there with the white freedom riders!"  NO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE!  ROFL.  You would owned a slave ~ you would not have rebelled against your family's wealth and power.  Now, you might have had a chocolate luva (i.e Jefferson / Sallie Hemmings) but you still would have been a slave owner. So stop telling those lies.  Stop living in a "if I was living then" reality and just skip suggesting this outing.  MEN:  Let her go on this date with her other Black friends. A friendlier historic suggestion:  the Holocaust Museum .. unless she is Jewish.  Better yet, just suggest the view from the top of the Washington Monument, Statue of Liberty or Eiffel Tower...

These are my top ridiculous suggestions.  LADIES:  I am sure you may have experienced one which is not similar to what I have detailed so feel free to SHARE as a comment below!  MEN:  I am sure that you know what to avoid and why.  No need to thank me.  I am glad to be of service.